Intentional Solitude?

From an evolutionary perspective, it makes sense to have a primal fear of loneliness. We are safer running in a pack than living in isolation. There is a reason we think the phrase “lone wolf” signifies risky behavior.

We fear loneliness, but we also long for it. Ask any parent of toddlers and they will tell you that their most provocative fantasies include grocery shopping solo or a weekend of bedrest.

Christopher McCandless gave up everything to live alone (read about that in the book Into the Wild) and it killed him. It also turned him into something of a legend. We fear loneliness and obsess over the possibility that we might squeeze out a few minutes each day for ourselves.

I wonder if running from loneliness might be a symptom of a deeper problem. Maybe our terror over our covid-disrupted routines may have more to do with our distractibility and lack of spiritual sturdiness than we would like to admit.

So they went away by themselves in a boat to a solitary place.

Mark 6:32 NIV

Solitude, which inevitably will stir up latent feelings of loneliness, is a spiritual practice that is encouraged by those who have walked the spiritual paths long before we were born. Silence and stillness are equally encouraged as daily spiritual practices.

What better time to test them out?

During this winter of the pandemic, what if...we carved out time for solitude, silence and stillness? Get quiet. Don’t use a guided meditation or play music while you walk. Don’t distract yourself from yourself in any way. Sit in homage to God. Sit as one who waits for a dear friend or lover, eager to hear the car pull down the driveway, the sound of the key rattling in the lock. Sit still and just be you.

Silence, stillness, solitude

From yesterday: How does a person become brave, or strong, or whatever, such that they can withstand all of the junk life throws at them?

The first attempt to answer this question had to do with establishing a system of loving support and accountability.

The second has to do with finding the confidence to believe that you have a place in this world, that you belong, and that you are worthy of love and respect. This kind of confidence tells us that we have the right to ask those who we are in community with to uphold our dignity. It allows us to set boundaries when our dignity and sense of self are either challenged or at risk.

Where does this confidence come from?

Well, this may be similar to the kind of strength Paul describes in Philippians that comes from God. Again, we ask, how to find it, or access it? I hope others are willing to jump in with their opinions in the comment section because I do not have the perfect or most complete answer to that question, but I believe it starts with the willingness to spend time in silence, stillness, and solitude.

We need to give ourselves the gift of space from distraction, noise, and negativity to simply sit and reflect on our lives and see what rises to the surface. This does not always feel like a gift. If you’re not used to time alone, it can be highly uncomfortable. It feels like something that must be escaped. But, that’s a feeling to resist, and it’s one that is easily overcome with practice. It’s in (healthy) disengagement that we find God and can learn to relax with ourselves and draw comfort from knowing that we are placed here so we can thrive, not so that we can be destroyed. It’s this perspective that allows us the strength, the perspective, the wisdom, and the discernment to discover our true needs and what is “ours to do” in meeting them.

What else does it take to be brave in the face of adversity? Let us know your thoughts.