Positive Faith & Sin Part V

For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. Romans 3:23-24, NIV

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Yesterday we talked about the fact that, in faith circles, it’s common to think that it’s really important to be confrontational with people about their sin patterns. We know from research done in the substance use field, however, that being confrontation with people about their foibles is more likely to make people defensive rather than contrite and deferential.

This is important information for pastors (in my opinion) and I think it should shape how we pastor. And, I should say, I wish I had known this when I began my journey as a pastor- I would have been a better one.

What I know belief is that it isn’t confrontation that helps us grow into people of God- it’s acceptance. In this case- I’m talking about the experience of being accepted by others (and by God). Being accepted allows us to feel safe and, when we feel safe, we don’t need to be defensive and we can tolerate conversations about areas where we would like to see growth and change.

This is actually the very logic of Romans 1-3 which people quite frequently get completely backwards. Here’s a rough summary:

• We all fall short of the person we’d like to be

• Therefore we have no right to judge each other

• God accepts all

• Therefore, we shouldn’t condemn each other

This section of scripture is probably responsible for more spiritual abuse than any other (I can think of a couple close competitors but we’re not going for statistical accuracy here). And yet, it’s because we miss the point.

God does accept us as we are. He draws us into his family. He offers us the opportunity to shape our lives in the pattern of his love.

That’s pretty good. And, pretty different from what we often experience.

Shame and Spiritual Abuse

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Last week I had a consulting gig at a church that had a recovery ministry blow up in grand fashion.  Lack of leadership accountability, no small doses of codependency and maybe, perhaps, possibly a tiny bit of grandiose thinking and arrogance on the part of the church team that swooped in to clean up the debacle was stymying the work of restoration.  And I haven’t even gotten to the part of what actually went down within the recovery ministry that caused the crash and burn!

As I sat around the table listening to the various perspectives represented - the church staff, the recovery ministry team, the church’s human resources department and its legal team, man, I just wanted a good cup of coffee and some headphones.  It was brutal.  Mostly the conversation focused on the religious beliefs of the congregation that they felt the recovery ministry leadership had disrespected.  They were mad.  While all this conversation swirled, the lead pastor, sitting on my left played on his ipad.  I was a bit envious and wished I too could pull up my solitaire game.  Sometimes it is hard to stay present for suffering.

As the contention gathered steam I felt like I had acquired an invisibility cloak and was stuck in the middle of a family drama.  Folks forgot that they were their to share their story with my team; they were too busy picking each other off with their verbal long rifles.  I opened up my bible and reminded myself of another time when a church had to deal with sexual immorality…

Everyone has heard that there is sexual immorality among you.  This is a type of immorality that isn’t even heard of among the Gentiles - a man is having sex with his father’s wife!  And you’re proud of yourselves instead of being so upset that the one who did this thing is expelled from your community.  1 Corinthians 5:1-2

Let’s talk banishment.  To be continued….