Day 34: The Vastness of God

Yesterday we pondered the “bigness” of God and how that good news could comfort us when we were counting on Him to rescue us. What if we feel so small, “less than,” and unworthy that we fear the greatness of God? Whether “big” is comforting or terrifying depends upon one’s point of view, right? Yesterday we learned that when Isaiah saw the vastness of God, he became undone. If all Isaiah saw of God was His bigness, he would have stayed undone. Isaiah knew another thing about God: the bigness of His heart.

“ “Woe is me, for I am ruined! Because I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips; for my eyes have seen the King, the LORD of hosts.’ Then one of the seraphim flew to me with a burning coal in his hand, which he had taken from the altar with tongs. He touched my mouth with it and said, ‘Behold, this has touched your lips; and you iniquity is taken away and your sin is forgiven.’ “

Isaiah 6:6-7

When confronted with the bigness of God, we realize our smallness. When granted the mercy, grace, and forgiveness of God, we are comforted.

Forget none of His benefits; who pardons all your iniquities…who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with loving kindness and compassion; who satisfies your years with good things…”

David speaking on the forgiveness of God in Psalm 103:2-5

If you've had a spiritual awakening, you know this stuff already in a profoundly personal way. But perhaps, as we wait for Jesus, we might benefit from remembering back to the days when we were more intimidated by God than intimate with Him. If you’ve got it all together (this must mean you are not living in the year 2020), pray for patience with those who are still running on empty. There is no need to give in to the temptation to make God smaller in a misguided attempt to comfort. Isaiah was undone, and it was the best thing that ever happened to him.

BUT...it was God who did the undoing. And that is significant. As we move toward our holidays of Thanksgiving and Christmas, I pray we will figure out some small way to do a big thing: be a healer, a mender, a repairer of torn things. This is a year that has left most of us fragile. We should all have a sticker in plain sight: FRAGILE HANDLE WITH CARE. It probably wouldn’t hurt to also have a label that reads: THIS SIDE UP. Because - who knows what’s what this year?

Rising to the Top

“Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity. If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper and more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path.”

Brene Brown

As Michelle’s responsibilities at home shifted away from the children she returned to her law practice, but with a slightly different focus. Once a tough litigator of criminal cases she did not want to return to that level of intensity. She decided to become an attorney with a specialty in mediation. It was because of this training that Michelle believes she backed up and recalibrated when her husband became so defensive once she mentioned the increased problems associated with his drinking.

This was not the only factor that disrupted Michelle’s typical reactions to conflict with her beloved. Michelle was having a spiritual awakening of sorts. Here is what she reported, “I have learned over the years what it is like to be hard - tough, protective, and closed in. I also know what it is like to be held - loved, supported, and open-hearted. I believed that I could coerce Kevin to comply. But this is not who I want to be anymore. I have a choice as to who I want to be and I have chosen to focus on the grace I have been given. I want to trust that the world is a benevolent place and is oh so achingly and slowly becoming heaven on earth.”

Now, before we assume Michelle has been smoking crack, considering 2020 has been the year that many of us have cursed, stop. Pause. Ask yourself - what if I am wrong? What if I am wrong about everything I have thought about 2020? Maybe the world is not going to hell in a handbasket, maybe the world is shaken and stirred so that the cream might rise to the top. Maybe we needed a big intervention to move us away from our own personal ambivalence. Maybe we are all called to do some soul searching.

* What caused you to forget grace? What distracts you from seeing God’s support and lovingkindness permeating your life and the lives of others?

Progress

For those who make it through all the 12-steps, we give thanks. This is no small matter. We admitted things along the way that NO ONE in their right mind wants to admit. We are forced to face our powerlessness over our dependencies; we are encouraged to accept the fact that we need restoring to sanity; we stand in place until we trust God, as we understand him with not only our lives but our wills; we inventory, confess, ask, and admit; we make amends; we practice a daily examen; we choose to draw near to God...and now this: we notice our own spiritual awakening, carry the message and continue to practice the principles that got us here in all our affairs. Whew!

Still - I have questions. What is a spiritual awakening? To whom and how do I carry a message? Why me? Why not me? How does working this program qualify me to speak to anyone? Although I think I understand the principles we are to practice (more on that later), I wonder: have I ever done anything as thoroughly in all my affairs as Step Twelve suggests?

As we ponder these questions and more...let’s not forget to notice and celebrate that we have earned our questions, confusions and anxieties about this step because we were willing to walk through the first eleven. Let’s explore these questions together! Stay tuned.