Pay Attention!

This past summer a team of hardworking folks helped write grant proposals for Northstar Community. None panned out. When I hear the word "grant proposal" I start twitching. Grant proposals are a lot of work and the more challenging the proposal, the more invested the applicant becomes in the outcome. If we as a team are not careful, we will conclude that there is nothing that we can do to create funding streams to grow a community that loves to serve those who often have no financial resources to meet their desperate need for recovery. This, in psychological terms, is called learned helplessness.

There are hundreds of studies about experiments that teach animals to be helpless, even when a way of escape is made available. Heartbreaking, right?

Here is what we all need to remember: the game is rigged. The enemy is not the conditions of the experiment, the enemy is the mad scientist who thinks up these games and studies the participants with cool detachment. Researchers say that the kinds of pervasive problems that lead rats to feel helpless create "chronic, mild stress." I can only assume that every time someone mentions the word "grant proposal," my body has a stress response. I also assume that those who did the heavy lifting with the grant proposals (not me) might actually twitch when those words are spoken in their presence.

To manage our stress, we need to recognize that we exist in an environment where there is often "chronic, low-level stress." Women understand this when they work in corporate America. People who study these things say that women are granted only 30% of the air time that men are given in meetings. Boys speak up more than eight times than girls as early as elementary school. People who do not fit the social norms of "skinny" are judged and treated with blatant disrespect. This is. IN SPITE of the fact that evidence teaches us that for the older set, people above the healthy BMI range live longer than those who are at the lower BMI range. Don't even get me started on the difference in racial equality.

What's my point? Pay attention. There is one other issue that needs acknowledgment. People who do NOT share the same experience have a very difficult time accepting that differences are real and they are stressful. This is even true for people who are experiencing the inequality. For many, acknowledging these differences is more painful than addressing them. This is a double whammy for the folks who notice.

Second point: Do NOT fall into the trap of learned helplessness. The game is rigged. Account for the stress, but unlearn the helpless myth. Tomorrow, we'll unpack that!

Breathing with Intention

As I mentioned in previous posts, my physician, apprised of my situation, continued to be amazed that my bloodwork did not reflect a woman living in high, prolonged stress. But I was indeed living with grief and loss and the kind of stress that made me want to run and kick and bite and scratch. Exercise helped but so did breathing. The practices that I had used for years were mitigating the effects of my stress on my body but I knew it was only a matter of time before my body would break down.

Deep, slow breaths down regulate the stress response especially if the exhale is long and slow. This is not helpful in high stress situations, but it is effective if you are living with the aftermath of trauma. Breathe in, count to five, hold the breath for five, exhale for five...there you go, you just helped move the needle on your stress cycle.

I tend to do my mindfulness practices in the morning. Maybe this is ideal because no one has done anything quite yet to set my ever loving last nerve on edge. But I suspect that anytime is better than not doing it at all.

How often do you breathe in and out with intention?