Deal With It….

For a month’s worth of posts, I (Scott) am critiquing my own past blog posts. I’m viewing this as an experiment in being willing to admit when I’m wrong, change my mind, and to do so publicly.

When we're confronted with powerlessness our bodies intuitively seek something else to be in control of.  We will find a situation or person less powerful than ourselves that we can push lower to keep some (false) sense of internal balance. 

Again- think of the example I keep returning to of fighting over the cleanliness of the house.  I keep bringing this up because this is a common dynamic in my house.  This has actually happened.  

Brittany and I are grieving three lost pregnancies.  She tends to deal with grief (in the short term anyway) through busying herself, and our adoption process and her home business have provided her plenty of opportunities to be busy.  I distract myself with reading and researching whatever my latest interest is.  

Neither of us has done a great job of facing the grief head on.  It hovers beneath the surface of things.  I get periodic reminders each day in the form of a loose thought or feeling that escapes my chamber of denial to bring to the surface the grief I'm trying to suppress.  

This is the exact recipe that creates fights over issues that are not really the issue.  

2021 Scott looks back:

There is no question that deep grief, and other life challenges, pull the rug out from under us. When we’re dealing with something difficult and complicated we are rarely able to access the “best” version of ourselves. And we need to do something about it. The emotional consequences of big life events do not normally just go away with time- we have to find some way to confront them and deal with them. That can look very different from person to person, but I do believe that finding ways to deal with what’s happened to us is important- otherwise some instincts tend to kick in that might not serve us or our loved ones particularly well.

Some things to consider that might help you deal with hard times: reading, writing, journaling, painting, music, and/or other creative projects (creative projects tend to be very healing). Other options include counseling, support groups, opening up to friends, finding a new hobby, taking a break from your normal obligations, and many more.

What are some things that have helped you heal?