Vocation, Calling and Tough Talk

"Vocation is not evoked by your bundle of need and desire."

Dr. William Willimon, p. 54, Accidental Pastor

We spend a lot of time thinking about who we want to be when we grow up. We encourage our kids to plan for their future. Maybe we point out early signs of talent or giftedness and stretch our bony pointy finger to the future with no small amount of anxiety and say, "Child, maybe go thataway..." We take personality tests, aptitude tests and find our strengths. We shore up our weaknesses or at least try to defend or camouflage them. We try to find careers, callings and hobbies that help us find our bliss. My niece Kaitlin dreamed about being a veterinarian and now she is one! My nephew Robby told me once he was going to ride a rocket to Mars - who knows, maybe he will!

The super fortunate among us smash up all these ideas and opportunities and sometimes end up with a legitimate sense of calling. But after obsessing over the writings of Will Willimon, I no longer think calling and vocation should feel like a roll of the dice.

Listen to this quote:

"Vocation is what God wants from you whereby your life is transformed into a consequence of God's redemption the world. Look no further than Jesus's disciples - remarkably mediocre, untalented, lackluster yokels - to see that innate talent or inner yearning has less to do with vocation than God's thing for redeeming lives by assigning us something to do for God."

Dr. William Willimon, Accidental Preacher, p. 54

Think about this. The door is wide open. The needle does not have to be threaded. God wants something from us and our life is the consequence. We're assigned a job. Be a faithful partner - so don't kiss strangers you find attractive and want to assert power over. Be a faithful grandparent - still figuring what that looks like, but I am practicing the role by giving my grandchildren sugar and always saying "Yes". Be a faithful pastor - figure out how to keep serving others even when all you can imagine doing is crying for unending stretches of time. On and on the roles go that we are assigned. Our vocation and calling is not diminished by our lack of enthusiasm or talent for the job assigned. Think harder. See if this clarifies things for you and opens you up a bit to a renewed commitment to practice.

Embracing a Growth Mindset

Carol Dweck also has provided a list of practical ways to embrace a growth mindset. Here are some of them:

* Embrace challenges. They build the resilience muscle and loosen the grip of fear of failure!

* Persevere, especially when failure is not only an option but a legitimate possibility. Here’s a weird thing about perseverance. I find that resistance to change and a fear of failure often gets inflamed right before a breakthrough of some kind. Today, when I experience discouragement I try to remember to get curious: what if something really amazing is about to happen?

* Talents and abilities can be developed. Isn’t that awesome? I am amazed that my daughter who majored in finance can transfer her skills and learn new ones in the field of IT. My son the pastor has developed a talent for photography and a skill at website design. My son the artist has increased his range of artistry and added “lead singer” to his already impressive musical repertoire. My husband has developed this uncanny ability to read my anxiety before I notice it and take action to support me before I have a meltdown. This involves a lot of supporting on his part. Once, when we were newly- weds I called him the most selfish person I ever met. Which wasn’t true, strictly speaking, but I have to say that today he is the most unselfish human being I will ever know. And me? I’m not without my own growth points. Today I figured out how to share a screen on zoom without having to get technical support from anyone. I know. Impressive, right?

* Find inspiration in others' success. Instead of feeling threatened, think more about what is true. Success is not a scarce resource. When someone else succeeds, we can celebrate that and remember that if they can, we can.

* Process errors with a desire to correct them without getting caught up in perfectionism. If you need support in this, google famous failures. Notice how many errors they make. Or watch sports on television. I watch a lot of tennis. Even the best and most athletic frame their shots or miss the service box.

* Accept feedback as a way to learn. Let me add here that Carol used the word “criticism” in place of feedback. I’m not a fan of criticism, but I do appreciate feedback. That said, sometimes even the most harsh and cruel criticism can be instructive - I just think it carries with it so much pain and suffering that I’m not sure that it is worth what we have to go through to get to the grain of truth from critical people. There’s a difference and I think we all recognize it when we experience it.

* Embrace new experiences with a desire and commitment to mastering new skills.

* Collaborate and innovate with people who challenge us to grow. I have some folks in my mind that do that for me on a regular basis - it really is such a great thing, to have others inspire our own commitment to growth.

Finding the Right People (pt. 2)

Let’s talk about our differences.

What does it look like to have a fixed mindset (see Carol Dweck’s work on this for more information)?

Carol says that a fixed mindset can be described as follows:

* We avoid challenges. This is not to be confused with feeling challenged. The more we avoid challenges, the less we may be able to tolerate normal life situations. I thought I was working out at a challenging pace until I started a new program that was actually challenging. There’s a difference between not feeling up to a challenge and trying it anyway just to see what happens.

* We give up easily. There are always a million reasons to quit stuff. But if we are in a growth mindset, growth challenges require that we lean into them - pretty much guaranteeing that we might feel like quitting every day.

* We have a set of talents and abilities but they remain stagnant. We do not get better or worse, we do not learn new abilities or discover hidden talents. Fortunately I have friends who have become artists later in life and this helps jumpstart my own inclinations to stay in my lane. There are so many, many reasons to not get into the habit of stagnation.

* We focus on outcomes. This is a serious killer of innovation and awe. Outcomes are one tiny little data point.

* We feel jealous or uneasy when others succeed. What a great warning flag! I find that people who embrace growing tend to enjoy watching others grow too.

* We cannot tolerate information about our errors and so we avoid “seeing” our errors. This is seriously uncool. The errors are still real, even if we ignore them.

* We ignore negative feedback even it could be helpful for us to hear. One caveat: do NOT fall into the trap of taking feedback from just any Tom, Dick or Harriett. DO embrace feedback from folks who have proven themselves to be supportive and are the kind of people you want to grow up to become. Chances are, they know what feedback is actually helpful.

* We go out of our way to avoid the possibility of failure. Once we stop thinking about failure as a bad thing, failure can become quite an adventure.

* We seek others who can reinforce our ego, which is pretty much the opposite of building our capacity for resilience. There is a distinctive line between people who are supportive versus people who are cloying. I find it far more helpful to have people in my life who support my right to be human than those who feed my ego but trash talk me behind my back.

This list is pretty obvious but I find that I often miss the obvious. Does this list feel familiar to you? Is there one item you want to address and change your own approach to?