Certainty is a Drag

When we decide that the pathway to growth is not through certainty, we take the road less traveled - taking responsibility for our lives. This attitude creates a whole new set of problems. Certainty brings with it a sort of script for life. Someone can bring up a topic and all we have to do is hit our own "play" button. We can spout off our certainty. But when we assume we are responsible we preclude certainty as an option. Life will keep presenting us with confusing opportunities to ....change.

For example, if I could be certain of how to advise families with loved ones in need of recovery, I could respond to all their questions (which are usually pretty predictable) by pushing my "play" button. Have a kid smoking cannabis in your basement? Kick him out if you don't like his behavior! That's a "play" button response.

But what if the kid has a traumatic brain injury? What if the kid has developmental delays? What if mom and dad's greatest fear is the kid will not be safe on the streets? These are legitimate questions that deserve respect.

I'm far less certain than I once was about how to support recovery for those we love who are struggling. This requires that I continue to take responsibility for keeping current on the latest research and best recovery practices. None of it is certain - even the newest approaches. But it makes for a better life.

Think of it like this - if we are certain, then we are probably irritated when people do not agree with us. Maybe we feel anxious when our certainty is challenged. But if we are constantly taking responsibility for our limitations, if we are curious, then we are perpetual learners. And maybe, just maybe, we can actually end up better equipped to help those we love.

Certainty is a drag; responsibility is a doorway to more joy and fewer regrets.

We Are All Still Learning…

“Don’t be discouraged. Those people who seem to know exactly what to do in life are wanderers just like you. We are all still learning here.”

Morgan Harper Nichols

Yesterday’s blog suggested that cultivating a life that is both genuinely good and feels good requires slowing down and paying attention. For me, part of my attentiveness is on the scriptures. I believe that this book of God can help me learn what is good in his eyes, and that will give me a better understanding of what a good life for me means. But it takes a long time and a lot of curiosity to actually figure out what the bible is teaching us - at least, that has been true for me.

During a recent Sunday message Scott, our associate pastor, unpacked a passage of scripture in a way that really helped me learn something new. It’s a common passage and I suspect we students of scripture have often missed its point in favor of a misinterpretation that often leads to unintentional shaming or slightly off-the-mark applications of the text to our daily lives.

No temptation has seized you that isn’t common for people. But God is faithful. He won’t allow you to be tempted beyond your abilities. Instead, with the temptation, God will also supply a way out so that you will be able to endure it.

1 Corinthians 10:13 CEB

Historically, and I think with good reason, most of us have focused on the word “temptation” because, well, it is used three times in the passage! But there is a good reason we do not cherry pick verses and try to make a point with them. Like any decent reading, it’s important to look at the context of a word, sentence, paragraph and so on.

Here is what does not make sense if you read this passage in context. This passage does not mean that we should be able to set our mind on losing ten pounds and expect God to block and tackle our way through the inevitable temptations that come our way. It does not make sense to use this passage to blame a person with a compulsion (substance use disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, eating disorder, etc.) for not being about to “just stop”.

Tomorrow, we’ll look at what makes a bit more sense. But for today, consider this: What if we could all embrace the idea that we are all still learning? Would that change how we engage in conversations with folks who do not share our certain way of seeing a subject? Would it help us get more curious about the context and meaning of this text so that we don’t use it to beat ourselves or others up needlessly?

A Glimmer of Light…

“We get to the beauty through the brutal. Not over or around or under but straight through. We do not ignore each other’s pain - we help carry it.”

Glennon Doyle

I used to think that the best way to manage pain was to super-spiritualize it. Be hopeful! Be positive! Remind myself of all those sayings I have heard all my life about God and suffering. Then I studied the scriptures. The dissonance was shocking. It gave me the same feeling as an ice cream headache.

I read the laments - full on works of suffering, grief, mourning and loss. The writer was going THROUGH pain. He (I assume) even had the temerity to question God about his suffering - much like Job. What’s going on here, I thought? The few “friends'' who tried to correct Job’s theology ultimately received the harshest critique from God - not Job!

I’ve got a lot of unlearning to do. I’ve worn deep ruts around tough topics, suffering, and grief. I’ve tried to tippy toe around them and not get caught in their sticky web. I’ve tried to comfort the comfortless. Why? Was I simply trying to relieve my own anxiety? Was I parroting others, assuming they must be right about the nature of loss?

Straight through. Like the psalmists; on we march. God with us. That truth is amazing enough right there. We need no fancy stories or justifications or blaming to deal with suffering.

God with us.

God with us.

God with us.

There it is; there is the glimmer of light in darkness.

Stumbling Blocks

For awhile accepting meditation as a practice fit for a Christian was a challenge for me; there were some things about meditation I needed to “unlearn”.

Unlearning is an essential skill set in recovery. Times have certainly changed but when I was young, back when dinosaurs roamed the earth, meditation was spoken of in harsh tones and veiled threats of damnation should a Christian dare to consider actually meditating. I NEVER bought into that fear-mongering but it certainly gave me pause when handed my first materials on the twelve steps to see the “m” word right there in the 11th step for all to see.

It seemed to me then and seems to me now that when Jesus went off to a quiet place to pray that’s as close as an endorsement for meditation as I can find short of a Super Bowl commercial bought by God himself. I know some folks still cringe at the word meditation; it’s kind of like having spiritual PTSD after all those years of unwarranted suspicion. When we host meditation workshops I still get emails asking me if I am afraid that I am going to ruin someone's life encouraging such blasphemy. How could I? What kind of pastor are you? Well, all this vitriol may be the result of meditation gone wrong, I don’t know. Perhaps there are other kinds of meditation that are not helpful?

Again, I do not know. Meditation. Listening. Seeking God only for the purpose of conscious contact and the gifts that his presence and care for us brings. This is what we teach about meditation. It’s not created to turn us into zombies or wipe out our memory banks. Its purpose is to allow us to sit quietly for some period of time as a way to acknowledge that there is a God and we are not God. We breathe. We listen. We notice. We are quiet and still enough to notice our own beating hearts and ragged breaths and leaves bursting forth in Spring for all the world to see.

And we hope. We hope that God sees us and hears our silent cry for his healing.

How can that be bad for us?