“Deserve” is Not a Biblical Concept...Is it?

I jokingly say this to my wife, Brittany, whenever the concept of deserving something comes up. She rolls her eyes.

It’s true- “deserve” is not really biblical language. It’s in the Bible, of course. The majority of the references are positive (someone is given something more than they deserve, or they do not receive a consequence they perceive they deserve).

On the aggregate, though, we know God’s plan is to draw all people together under his love, regardless of who they are and what they’ve done. The God of the Bible is a God who undermines our understanding of the word “deserve” by blessing all of creation in a way that it does not “deserve.”

But, when I ask the question, “Do you deserve to thrive?” I’m not asking if you were born good or sinful or if God loves you or if there’s life after death.

I’m asking if you recognize your own value.

I’m asking if you recognize your own worth.

I’m asking if you recognize that you’re worthy of love.

I’m asking if you recognize that you deserve to live a life worth living (of course, there are many questions about how we go about doing that).

So, do you deserve to thrive?

Your Loved Ones Deserve to Thrive, Why Don’t You?

From yesterday:

Most people are uncomfortable saying that they “deserve” something, even if that thing is thriving. Yet, at the same time, we tend to think our loved ones deserve to thrive.

So why is it that I don’t deserve something that someone else does?

It feels a bit selfish to say you deserve something. It feels a bit entitled perhaps. So I think we tend to default to the polite answer which we hope communicates something like, “I don’t see myself as being special or more important than someone else?”

But that’s not really what I’m asking. I’m not asking if you’re special or important. I’m asking if you see yourself as a person who deserves the same things that you think your loved ones deserve. In other words, are you as important as those you love? Are you as worthy of love, kindness, grace, and mercy as those you love?

If not, why not?

Do You Deserve to Thrive?

I have been asking this question a lot lately.


I tend to get the exact same response every time I ask it: “Nobody deserves anything.”


I then ask a second question, does your ______ deserve to thrive? (I fill in the blank with a relationship that is meaningful to the person I’m talking to. It could be brother, mother, wife, etc., just someone who I know the other person cares about).


I don’t always get the exact same answer when I ask that question- but everyone hesitates before answering.


Why?


Because we tend to think our loved ones deserve to thrive.


So why is that I don’t deserve something that someone else does?


Let us know your thoughts in the comments section. We’ll pick up here tomorrow.

Learning to Assume the Best

It’s easy to assume the worst about people. Many of us do it naturally. Sometimes people have even taught us things about themselves- perhaps that they do not deserve the benefit of the doubt (so to speak). And while it’s important to learn from people’s past behavior, assuming the worst tends not to be the best option for finding and maintaining balance in our relationships.

Relationship problems are often the product of miscommunication. We struggle to say what we really mean and struggle to hear what another person is trying to communicate. This is because communication is a skill that needs to be learned, practiced, and honed. We do not become wonderful communicators without dedicated learning and practice.

Given that, it’s helpful to consider that our frustrations and resentments with another person may be the product of a miscommunication rather than on the other person’s desire to hurt us, or their selfishness, or their lack of consideration, or whatever other character defects they have because they aren’t as enlightened as us (joke).

Are there times where conflict is not the product of miscommunication? Of course. But I would place a bet that miscommunication is at the heart of a strong percentage of disagreements. It’s important, then, that we recognize that a lot of our conflict is not one person’s fault or another’s. It is just the natural fallout of our struggles to communicate well and clearly.

So maybe that person you’re in conflict with is not a horrible person. Maybe they aren’t that selfish. Maybe they want the best for you. If you can assume that might be the case, perhaps that will open up new and different communication possibilities in that relationship.

And let us consider each other carefully for the purpose of sparking love and good deeds. 25 Don’t stop meeting together with other believers, which some people have gotten into the habit of doing. Instead, encourage each other, especially as you see the day drawing near.

Hebrews 10:24-25, CEB

You Don’t Actually Know What’s Going on With Another Person

You may you think you know what’s going on with another person, but you probably don’t. You may think, “He’s just a narcissist.” But, in all likelihood, you have no clue whether or not that person is a narcissist.

You may think,”She’s just trying to manipulate me.” But, in all likelihood, you have no clue whether or not that person is trying to manipulate you. You may think, “He’s just looking for a hand out.” But, again, you don’t really know that. He might be more desperate than you’ve ever been.

When other people start to bother us, we tend to assume the worst.

What if you gut-checked your assumptions?

We’re always going to make assumptions. They will often be subconscious and difficult for us to control. But we may be able to learn how to respond in new and different ways.

Do you ever ask yourself, what if that isn’t true?

Do you ever ask yourself, what might be another interpretation of that person’s behavior?

It’s worth trying. You may very well find some grace for people you had previously written off.

And let us consider each other carefully for the purpose of sparking love and good deeds. 25 Don’t stop meeting together with other believers, which some people have gotten into the habit of doing. Instead, encourage each other, especially as you see the day drawing near.

Hebrews 10:24-25, CEB