Giving Up and Starting Over

I only know one way to keep the faith - and that is to find a way to understand my life through the lens of scripture. I have a ton of favorite authors; I practice various spiritual disciplines with about as much regularity as I imagine you do; I have thousands of quotes (many inspirational) that I love and store religiously in notebooks that my children will discard over my dead body. These things are helpful. But for me, and I know I'm a weirdo, but it's the way it is - the scriptures are the thing that usually turn my desperation into a decision to carry on. I blame John the Baptist for this.

While Jesus was living in the Galilean hills, John, called “the Baptizer,” was preaching in the desert country of Judea. His message was simple and austere, like his desert surroundings: “Change your life. God’s kingdom is here.” Matthew 3:1-2 The Message

In a previous blog I shared Barbara Brown Taylor's perspective on John's call to repentance. She believes that John's followers heard hope for a new beginning in his call to repent. She suggested that more of us need to repent of our despair than our arrogance. (Can we have both?). This reminds me of my experience with the 12 steps. Both the steps and the gospels invite us to move away from our compulsion to stare into mirrors and bemoan our fate.

From John's perspective, this other way of viewing repentance is healing, not shaming. It asks us to turn from needless recrimination and see the intentions of God's heart - to work with what we give him - even our worst mistakes.

Taylor says it like this, "Those of us who have committed ourselves to a life of repentance and return will not give up on ourselves, no matter how many times we have to repeat the process." (p. 25, Teaching Sermons on Suffering, God in Pain). Why do we not give up? Because we believe in a God who will not give up on us.

A Decent Burial

Will Willimon said somewhere in his book, Accidental Preacher, that most of us would have been better off if Jesus had left us alone. He was being cheeky but also making a point. It's awesome to think about a new life when our current one sucks. But we forget that it also requires that we give the old life a decent burial.

"Or don't you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may life a new life."

Romans 6:2-4 NIV

What dry, dead bones are you holding onto? They may be preventing you from having space for a new life.

Betrayal

What comes to your mind when you think of Judas? Traitor - right? He betrayed Jesus for 30 silver coins. What else do you know about him? He was not mentally ill, that we know of, nor did he secretly bear a grudge and insatiable desire for insurrection.

He was a friend of Jesus. A friend. An intimate. A confidante. He was the guy who held the money for Jesus' ministry team. He was at the wedding in Cana and saw Jesus turn water into wine; he say the miracle of the feeding of the 5,000. He watched the blind healed and Lazarus raised from the dead. He let Jesus wash his feet. He was a good guy. And no one would have guessed that this is the guy who would betray Jesus.

Judas betrayed Jesus with a kiss but it was not long before everyone else tucked tail and ran too. Jesus had far more to fear from his team than he did from outsiders. Outsiders were an expected threat.

Judas was the guy who most wanted Jesus to lead with a sword. When it became clear that Jesus was not going to lead through traditional means - intimidation and force - surely Judas himself felt as if Jesus had betrayed him!

And how does Jesus respond? He feeds Judas; he washes his feet; Judas is never excluded from the circle. Jesus knew who the betrayer was but he also was clear on who He was - the guy who loses to win. He is the guy who feeds the hungry and gives water to the thirsty. Jesus loved Judas even when Judas could not love him back. Even our betrayal is not enough to crush the love of God.

The Welcoming Prayer

Oh Tiger, Tiger, what if you could believe that God makes everything come out right? What if we believed the same? Spend some time today reminding yourself that as a faithful person, this is actually what you sign up to believe when you commit yourself to God.

Some days I have no words to express my heart’s longings. That’s ok! We know the Spirit is groaning on our behalf like Serena Williams in the middle of a crucial match point. But some days I WANT words, and when those days hit, I often turn to the prayers of others who have gone before me. The Welcoming Prayer is one of my favorites. When I pray it, I am practicing faith even when filled with doubt, courage even when overcome with fear. I pray this prayer as a way of naming my intentions - to believe that God is for me, not against me; that his hand is upon me as support and encouragement, not to punish or manipulate me. It is short and specific. I admit to God and myself that my assessments may feel certain in the moment but have often proven unreliable. I commit my intention to let go of those false strategies that honestly, never worked that great anyway. I let go of my desire to control life, rather than surrender to God’s presence in my life. Join me?

Welcome, welcome, welcome.

I welcome everything that comes to me in this moment because I know it is for my healing.

I welcome all thoughts, feelings, emotions, persons, situations and conditions.

I let go of my desire for security.

I let go of my desire for approval.

I let go of my desire for control.

I let go of my desire to change any situation, condition, person or myself.

I open to the love and presence of God and the healing action and grace within.

By Mary Mrozowski*

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A note about Mary. She was a founding member of Chrysalis House, a contemplative community in Warwick, New York. She was a vital spiritual force, well-known for her deep spirituality and love of God.

Letting Go- Surrender and Seeking

One thing we learn when we practice the eleventh step is that we can let go, surrender to and seek God’s will.

These are fine ideas but impossible to execute if the “god” of our understanding does not rescue little girls from sexual predators or abusive fathers. It is a challenge to trust a “god” when people chalk up death and disaster as “God’s will.”

This kind of God? How can we trust that? My friend Terri had to unlearn God stuff as did I. In the beginning of my recovery, the idea that God wanted to love me without condition was a radical concept for me. The practices of my early faith reflected an unspoken belief that God is hungry, angry, and distant. If I really looked closely at my rigid practices my relationship with God was more like my grandchildren’s relationship with the animals at the local petting zoo.

Feed him (God takes cash or credit cards these days) and don’t stand too close or you might get your fingers bit off. As we pray and meditate, our confusions and fears and ignorance will rise up and greet us on occasion. Instead of giving up, go looking for spiritual advisors who understand God’s character - gracious, merciful, loving and desirous of blessing and healing us.