A Father's Grief

I longed for someone to scrape out every remnant of Nic from my brain and scrape out the knowledge of what was lost and scrape out the worry and not only my anguish but his and the burning inside like I might scrape out the seeds and juicy pulp of an overripe melon, leaving no trace of the rotted flesh. It felt as if nothing short of a lobotomy could alleviate the unremitting pain.

David Scheff, Beautiful Boy

Recently a family and I met to consider an intervention. As I met with the parents, Scott met with the son. Everyone was in great pain. All loved with open hearts and willing hands. But each was isolated too. Each member had their own brand of suffering that the others could not fully grasp.

This is the unfathomable complication of amends.

It is really hard to climb in another’s skin and empathize with their suffering when it feels like our own mind and heart is on fire with our own suffering. What kind of support do each of us need to calm our own suffering, so that we have the bandwidth to empathize with others? What do you need?