The Value of Suffering

Strange as it may seem, I still hope for the best, even though the best, like an interesting piece of mail, so rarely arrives, and even when it does it can be lost so easily.

Lemony Snicket

In our community we are zooming like crazy and are fortunate enough to have a group of friends within the community and beyond who see the value of these strange meetings. They are awkward and unsatisfying and definitely a pain in the neck to facilitate. But what a refuge of hope I have found among these courageous and committed people who keep showing up for one another in an inhospitable climate for connection!

Last weekend was no exception. One of our members said this: “I see the value in suffering; suffering has taught me a lot. But torture? Torture is not good for anybody.”

He did not mean that he prefers suffering; he was simply sharing his wisdom. He has learned over the years that suffering has taught him things that making choices based on his preferences have not. His sufferings have made him a better human.

His wisdom did not stop there. He set an outer limit on suffering as a value. When suffering moves into torture, escape is essential. After that meeting Pete and I went for a long walk. We talked about how we define torture versus suffering.

What makes a day torturous? For us, every single solitary time we have put our hope in someone or something or some outcome - it eventually produces, if not exactly torture, certainly needless and unproductive suffering.

Because of my friend’s wise words, I am working on intentionally placing my hope in the only place that makes sense. I am regularly admitting my foolishness when my expectations are out of alignment with my hope. There is some suffering in this refusal to give myself permission to wish for something rather than hope in a God who sometimes feels too far away for my own good.

Nevertheless, I persist.

And now, o Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in you.

Psalm 39:7