Fear of Positivity

There has long been, in the Christian world, a fear of positivity.

I can remember my friends in seminary bristling at the idea of presenting faith in a way that was positive and affirming, as opposed to combative and demanding. If people feel free and unashamed, so the thinking goes, they won’t live out of their values. They will simply pursue pleasure and become increasingly hedonistic (self-indulgent).

I sort of partially agreed with that. I never was too keen on the idea of intentionally shaming people into obedience, but I also carried some fears about “what might happen” if people feel “too free.”

This is an area where counseling has really helped grow and expand my faith. Carl Rogers (a seminary drop-out and a famous therapist who I’ve mentioned often in the past few years) believed the exact opposite to what I’ve described above. He believed that *people grow when they feel free* (not when they feel pressure to conform). And he spent his career quite successfully researching that.

Both in my role as a pastor as well as my new role as a counselor- I can say I believe he was quite right. When I find myself trying to steer someone in the direction I want them to go, they back off and double-down on whatever their problem area is in life (whether that’s drugs, sex, or whatever). When I’m more intentional about exploring what people want for themselves and removing my ideas from the picture, they tend to move towards thriving (which often means moving away from a self-indulgent type of life- which often means living “more faithfully”).

It’s often thought that positivity is just the realm of psychology and that it has little to do with faith. It’s also often thought that the Bible itself lacks positivity (and this is why we should shame people into faithful living- because this is the “biblical way.”) *Both of these ideas are wrong.*

Over the next few days, I’ll show you just how positive the Bible can be about faith. I’m hoping this will help us all embrace a new way of being and seeing that still has ancient and deeply rich theological roots.

A Commitment to Happiness…

“Happiness is not out of reach.”

Krista O’Reilly David-Digue

The pandemic taught me so much about happiness. I discovered that it is not out of reach even if a lot of things that I thought brought me happiness are off limits. The pandemic required a level of paring down that most of us never dreamed would be required.

But in this, I found that happiness was still within reach.

For Pete and I we needed to recalibrate to grab hold of it because our longing for our “old” life was causing us a lot of anxiety. Anxiety was creating health problems and health problems were making us feel as old as our kids seem to believe we are - we were starting to feel our age.

We regrouped. We asked ourselves - what makes us happy that is attainable? We decided to believe that God is for us and with us and in us and that even a pandemic could not keep us from the love of God. We consciously, deliberately, asked ourselves - what do we need to practice that fits our chosen way of seeing?

We turned off the television and limited electronics. We started long daily walks. We found that eating home all the time allowed for better food choices. We gave ourselves permission to do more puzzles and read more books that in no way would improve our mind or body. Funny, mysterious, formulaic fiction. Whatever it took! I started taking online classes that filled me with the joy of learning. I followed both my personal interests and tried to up my ministerial skill sets - believing that one day the world would open back up and there would be plenty of fields in need of harvesting (Luke 10 if you are curious).

And we increased our conscious contact with people who love us. We had to ask ourselves, maybe for the first time in our lives - who loves US? We figured out how to play bridge online with our friends. We walk down the street and talk to our neighbors. We wave at strangers and smile even when we feel like crying because we know everyone needs a little encouragement.

Happiness is not out of reach if we are willing to take it on its terms - not as we would always have it, but where we can get it. The world is starting to open back up but Pete and I have made a promise to ourselves - we are not going to re-enter the world buried under the weight of obligation or duty. We are going to require of ourselves a commitment to happiness, the happiness that we have found in the most unlikely places.

A Walk Through God's Sanctuary

Thomas Keating said, “Intentionality is the star rising in the dark nights, it is the focus of contemplative prayer.” Prayer and meditation reflects our intentions. What a profound gift.

In the Old Testament, the sanctuary was the place God met up with his people. Only a few of his people were allowed entry into the holiest of holies. Today, we suffer from no such restrictions. Nor do we have to slaughter anything, which I consider a big plus.

He’s made the threshold wide and spacious.

You stand at it, moment by moment.

Today, walk through and into God’s sanctuary. Breathe. Cry. Laugh. Sit quietly. Whatever you need to do to express yourself in the presence of God.

The Value of Suffering

Strange as it may seem, I still hope for the best, even though the best, like an interesting piece of mail, so rarely arrives, and even when it does it can be lost so easily.

Lemony Snicket

In our community we are zooming like crazy and are fortunate enough to have a group of friends within the community and beyond who see the value of these strange meetings. They are awkward and unsatisfying and definitely a pain in the neck to facilitate. But what a refuge of hope I have found among these courageous and committed people who keep showing up for one another in an inhospitable climate for connection!

Last weekend was no exception. One of our members said this: “I see the value in suffering; suffering has taught me a lot. But torture? Torture is not good for anybody.”

He did not mean that he prefers suffering; he was simply sharing his wisdom. He has learned over the years that suffering has taught him things that making choices based on his preferences have not. His sufferings have made him a better human.

His wisdom did not stop there. He set an outer limit on suffering as a value. When suffering moves into torture, escape is essential. After that meeting Pete and I went for a long walk. We talked about how we define torture versus suffering.

What makes a day torturous? For us, every single solitary time we have put our hope in someone or something or some outcome - it eventually produces, if not exactly torture, certainly needless and unproductive suffering.

Because of my friend’s wise words, I am working on intentionally placing my hope in the only place that makes sense. I am regularly admitting my foolishness when my expectations are out of alignment with my hope. There is some suffering in this refusal to give myself permission to wish for something rather than hope in a God who sometimes feels too far away for my own good.

Nevertheless, I persist.

And now, o Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in you.

Psalm 39:7

Intentions

...I believe in intention and I believe in work. I believe in waking up in the middle of the night and packing our bags and leaving our worst selves for our better ones.

Leslie Jamison, “The Empathy Exams”

The first nine steps gave us a structure for cleaning up the messes in our past. Step Ten gives us the opportunity to stay clear-eyed about our present day situation. In some ways, it is preventative medicine for living a reasonably happy and peaceful life. No matter how many steps we take, distress is not eliminated from our lives because life is inherently horrible and distressing at times. It does decrease our chances of more self-sabotage and the self-inflicted wounds we endure if we are not attending to and taking responsibility for our lives.

What do you need in order to live a more intentional life? I use a planner to help me stay intentional. It’s geeky but effective. I have a habit tracker I use to help me stay accountable. Each morning I do not have to get up and think, “What are my intentions today?” because I set my intentions for the month. I do look at my habit tracker and note the behaviors I chose to track that I chose to support my intentions for the month. I monitor, tweak, modify, reduce or expand my list as I learn more about myself and God. This is one way to work out intentions. What do you do?