All you need to know about other people’s sin

What should Christians think about other people's sin?

I've learned a LOT about sin over the course of my lifetime. It turns out, shockingly enough, that many people are actually rather attached to it. It's like a guy told me last week during our Sunday discussion/message whatever-you-call-what-we-do on Sunday mornings..."Teresa, I NEED to pay attention to my sin. It's like a fire in my butt. It gets me going! It inspires me to trust in God's love and mercy." If we are that attached to our own sin, what do we think most of us feel about other people's sin? I'm going to get to that shortly, but first we need to revisit and unpack this unholy obsession with our own badness.

I have another friend who is equally attached to sin. He keeps telling me that he is SO BAD and what he has done with his life is SO BAD that he has accepted the fact that he cannot forgive himself. I am super curious about this perspective and so I ask, "So do you think God has forgiven you?"

He replies, "Well, yeah. GOD has forgiven me because he's GOD - it's kind of his job." I'm left to conclude that perhaps my friend has a bigger problem than he forgiveness seeing as how he thinks he knows more than God on the subject of his sin. There are many ways to read and interpret my friend's stubborn resistance to forgiveness, all valid I'm sure. But this is a pattern that I hear from folks with some degree of regularity. We assume that we are very, very bad and that's our primary problem.

It's almost as if we are afraid to let go of our assumption that sin is something we really need to focus on - without it, maybe we will get spiritually lazy or become ax murderers. Whether my friend with the fire-in-his-butt realizes it or not, I cannot help but notice: this inspired-by-shame theology is not getting him or anyone else great results.

He's really struggling and so are a lot of people - including pastors who regularly preach on the evil of sin in the world today while suffering with their own hidden compulsions. Did you know that a Barna research study found that 57% of pastors and 64% of youth pastors struggle (currently or in the past) with a porn addiction? But less than 1% of them thought it would be a good idea to share that with their congregations and I guarantee you 100% of them would tell their congregants - don't watch porn. We religious types are very, very incongruent with our approach toward sin.

My premise is this: we are very attached to this idea that we must be humble and contrite about our sin (especially if we get caught) AND we often go further when we consider the sin of others by becoming harsh and judgmental about their issues with sin.

“Don’t pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults—unless, of course, you want the same treatment. That critical spirit has a way of boomeranging. It’s easy to see a smudge on your neighbor’s face and be oblivious to the ugly sneer on your own. Do you have the nerve to say, ‘Let me wash your face for you,’ when your own face is distorted by contempt? It’s this whole traveling road-show mentality all over again, playing a holier-than-thou part instead of just living your part. Wipe that ugly sneer off your own face, and you might be fit to offer a washcloth to your neighbor." Matthew 7:1-5 The Message

I once knew a pastor who fired another pastor for watching porn on his work computer while the pastor who did the firing was having an affair with a member of the congregation (both married). The affair included sex - just to be clear. In this example, the pastor was able to mete out consequences for the sin of someone else without addressing his own culpability that was of a similar nature. I am not saying I know how to handle issues like sin, especially when it involves our pastors. But what I am pointing out is that just because we hate sin, and we clearly think sin is a shameful thing, it does not mean that we are sinning any less as a result of these convictions!

I once did a weekend workshop on the eleventh step of the twelve steps: "Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out." Before the workshop I sent out a questionnaire asking people about their prayer and meditation practices. One hundred percent of the people responded with something like this, "I am TERRIBLE at prayer and meditation." All of the responses smelled a bit like shame. In fact, I do not know too many people who think they are awesome at any spiritual practice. Again, it is almost as if we believe that if we give ourselves much credit for doing something "good enough" that we will become spiritual slackers. Maybe we think that being constantly disappointed in ourselves is a spiritual practice of humility.

But that is not what humility is. Humility is defined by Brene` Brown as "...openness to learning combined with a balanced and accurate assessment of our contributions, including our strengths, imperfections, and opportunities for growth." (p. 242 Atlas of the Heart)

Here's what I would ask you to consider about sin - our sin, and the sin of others. We do it. We sin. This is an indication of our humanity, no reason to totally freak out. The scriptures tell us what to do when we sin, it does not require that we never do it or else God won't love us anymore. (I know you are thinking about that time that Jesus told the woman to go and sin no more. It's a valid point. But it's not the main point of the passage. If you want to be a super spiritual sleuth, go reread it and see if you can see a larger point in the narrative that may help us not use this as a misguided instruction to never sin.)

Sin is inevitable, but it does not have to be compounded through denial, projection or distracting ourselves with the sins of others. Sin is also an invitation. It offers us the opportunity to ask for help, to make amends, and to develop empathy for other humans who also sin. It can, if we let it, wipe that ugly sneer of judgment off of our faces. When we recognize it for what it is, we can be inspired to get curious about why we are making the choices we are making. Do we want to change? Why? Do we want to change because we know we are made in the image of God and this particular behavior is not reflective of our personhood? Or are we afraid that people might judge us if we get caught?

People change when they are surrounded by support and inspiration - not shame and embarrassment. They have the capacity to change when they are in touch with humility, not humiliation. If we want to be better people, hang out with people who don't judge us but instead inspire us, love us and support our growth. If we want to be the kind of people others want to hang out with, use our humility (not our shame) to guide us so that we become people who can inspire, love and support others. That concludes this message on sin, I promise not to bring it up again for another year! Go and sin no more and if that works for you - let me know!