What should Christians think about kindness?
You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm."
~ Unknown
In our community we are beginning a new series loosely titled, "What should Christians think about ____?" Lately, I've been wondering if all Christians are required to be kind. I even looked up the meaning of kindness: it means to be generous, helpful and think of other people's feelings. OF COURSE Christians SHOULD be kind. But I'm still left wondering....are all Christians kind all the time under all conditions? I mean, let me get real: am I kind?
Once, when my kids were little, a person we know had a serious problem that made it hard for them to show up for their responsibilities as a parent and our family pitched in and helped. Actually, this happened four times now that I'm thinking about it...and I called it kindness. I'm not sure my children did. There were consequences for all this help and support. Upon lots of reflection and feedback from my kids-turned-adults, what seemed like kindness at the time may have in fact been described (most kindly) as boundary-challenged.
Maybe the problem was that I thought that Christians were supposed to be kind (generous, helpful and other-focused) without considering what else Christians should be about: discerning, wise and creative. I thought kindness looked like the Good Samaritan or Jesus dying on the cross. By my old definition of kindness, I was required to be like the Good Samaritan - a person who does acts of sacrificial goodwill that other people have for whatever reason chosen not to do. Think about it. That leaves me thinking I have to pick up the slack for the whole wide world. And let's talk about Jesus for a minute, starting with the obvious: I AM NOT JESUS, NEVER WAS, NEVER WILL BE. Furthermore, Jesus was a sacrificial, suffering, Son of God - but he chose when he sacrificed. He also got called on the carpet for being too slow to save Lazarus from dying - making his work doubly hard (assuming raising the dead is more challenging than simply healing the disease). Jesus went off to solitary places to pray and even took naps during storms and the disciples gave him a stern talking to about those decisions.
Kindness is worth considering as a SHOULD statement. I thought "good" Christians sacrifice and suffer - like Jesus. And I guess for my personality, I figured it would mean that it would make me kind - because I am not particularly a kind or warm person. I'm more spice than sweet. I'm like chips and salsa not a gooey warm brownie with ice cream on top. So, for whatever reason, I thought that to be a good Christian, I was somehow going to have to be turned into this shy, sweet and oh so kind human.
Today, I consider this a form of spiritual manipulation....maybe even abuse.
I want to be so clear about this - Jesus was a suffering servant, but He lived out this truth from a place of choice - not because He was shamed into it. And we can live out, are called to live out, our lives from a place of freedom too. I want you to know something: being yourself even if it does not fit Christian stereotypes does not make you a bad Christian. We are created to be our own selves. What distinguishes us is not our personality and stereotypes about who is a good Christian - what makes us Christians is OUR DIFFERENT WAY OF SEEING THE WORLD. And with that worldview, the last shall be first, the meek (humble not humiliated) shall inherit the earth, and whatnot... does indeed impact how we express our personhood.
I may be spicy but I work hard to not be mean or cruel. It is true that as a connected community, people do need to be kind - but no one needs to bear the burden of kindness 24/7. It's ok to have a grumpy day, or a tired day, or a withdrawn day, or a needy day. God is not looking for well-behaved supplicants; if that were the case humanity would be extinct. He's asking us, I think, to be the lookers - the ones who seek - the ones who pay attention to who he is and what he's about, and then be, and do, likewise within the limits of our own humanity. So yes, it is nice to be kind. But it is not kind to expect ourselves and others to be kind at the expense of the other characteristics that make us Christian. In hindsight, I wish I had used more discernment and creativity over the course of my life - allowing myself the freedom to say no, or creatively seek other forms of help for those who ask for it when the ask is too big for one frail human to handle. Maybe we figure out where the sweet spot is for kindness - both kind to ourselves and others. So here's a little blessing for you: May you be kind. Kind to yourself. Kind to your kin. Kind wherever you have the bandwidth to do so today. May we all remember we are NOT Jesus and even Jesus took naps (in case we cannot get over our Messiah complex).
