Spreading forgiveness around like butter

Step 9: We made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others

There is plenty to talk about when it comes to step 9 and making amends and exercising discernment in that process and so on. But- I’m going to break the rules this week. I’m not going to talk about step 9 directly. I’m going to talk about forgiveness. Specifically, I’m going to talk about forgiveness given by God to humans.

I was always taught, perhaps it was different for you, that forgiveness was the answer to a math problem. Just like a+b=c, confession+belief=forgiveness. I wasn’t even taught that forgiveness was similar to a formula, I was taught that achieving forgiveness was literally the product of a formula (not by my parents, for the record, we can give Pete and Teresa a break).

I mean on the one hand- this is lovely. I know exactly what needs to be done in order to receive forgiveness and I can do it any time I want.

But…I found over time I didn’t ask for forgiveness any time I wanted. Why?

Asking why is kind of dumb, I suppose. Humans rarely know why they do things- though we can make plenty of stuff up that either resonates or makes good sense. But, in this case, I think I have an idea. I was still afraid that it wouldn’t be given. I felt myself someone plagued by the question: what if the formula doesn’t work?

Why wouldn’t a formula work? It’s a formula. Formulas work. That’s what they do. Well- yes- logically that makes sense. But emotionally it doesn’t. Because in order for forgiveness to be given God still has to decide to give it in response to my confession. It seemed to me like there was a little gap in the formula. Like maybe forgiveness didn’t happen instantly upon asking but might happen if God deemed the request worthy or genuine or something like this.

When we go to a website to buy something they say, “Give us your email and you’ll get a discount code.” You put in your email, then you check your email, BOOM: a coupon to take a whopping 5% off your next order over $500. It’s automatic. But it seemed to me that, despite the formula, forgiveness wouldn’t be automatic because God still has to extend the forgiveness manually.

Now- this is my emotional reaction to the formula mind you- I don’t know if it’s rooted in fact. But as I critique it from where I sit today, I think this makes good sense. And- I want God’s forgiveness to be personal. I want him to grant me forgiveness because he wants to give it to me- not because an automatic sequence has been triggered by a confession and forgiveness gets dispensed out of the god-machine. But…maybe it does work that way? Who’s to say really.

Perhaps an easy way to try to untangle some of this mess is to see if there actually is, biblically, another way that God works. Spoiler alert: there is.

Remember these things, O Jacob.

Take it seriously, Israel, that you’re my servant.

I made you, shaped you: You’re my servant.

O Israel, I’ll never forget you.

I’ve wiped the slate of all your wrongdoings.

There’s nothing left of your sins.

Come back to me, come back.

I’ve redeemed you.

~ Isaiah 44:21-22, MSG

Alright it’s probably not super clear how this passage illustrates a different kind of forgiveness. This is one of the rare passages where the English doesn’t translate super well. In the last few lines, what God is essentially saying to his people is: it’s time to change your lives and come back to me because I have forgiven you. Forgiveness has gone before any kind of repentance or confession. God decided on his own volition to forgive and restore his people and believes that, through offering forgiveness freely, this also frees up his people to respond to it.

Have you ever been taught that? Have you ever been taught that sometimes forgiveness goes before any kind of repentance or confession? Not sure if that matters that much, but when I was taught this in seminary it blew my mind.

God’s forgiveness can take many forms and it can happen in a wide variety of ways. It’s important to understand that this is not a new formula, and not always the way God works, but it is a way God works.

And it’s quite beautiful. I think of the people I’ve known and talked to through the years who are in recovery and who struggle to believe that they could be loved or accepted no matter how “good” they are moving forward. To these people I say, here’s a God who forgives by saying, “Everything is already okay between us. Where do you want to go from here?”

Maybe looking at this kind of forgiveness helps us sidestep the trap of trying to earn it or spending time doubting whether or not God will actually follow through on offering it.

I am not sure what kind of takeaway to offer here related to step 9. Here’s a thought, take it or leave it as you see fit. For starters- maybe we can all learn to try to lead with a bit more forgiveness in following God’s example. To live forgiving kinds of lives. Offering it when and where we can, refusing to wait for permission or requests. If we do that- maybe it becomes a bit less scary for others to ask for forgiveness or make amends. Maybe when we need it- it’ll be a little less scary for us. Either way, the quicker we are to forgive and to make amends the better off we’ll all be.