When is Enough, Enough?

One of the questions I began to ask myself in the face of some pretty harsh conditions was this one: "How much more do I have to do before I've done enough?" This is a great question to ask when we are under a lot of stress, especially if we have wise companions to help us sort out our confusion. "Done enough," might best be understood as thinking about living out our core values and sacrificing for them. This is a good thing; but it can also be quite destructive. The gift of the pandemic and family suffering for me was coming to realize that I was doing the wrong stuff for the right reasons.

If my life and spiritual path and love for scientific data taught me that personal freedom and chocolate cake for breakfast leads to a fulfilling life, then I am quite sure my goals for myself would look different. I would have, perhaps, become a baker who refuses to work according to anyone else's schedule. But this is not what life and the pursuit of faithfulness has taught me. For me, what I happen to believe is that a meaningful life requires that we all find a way to connect to something larger than ourselves. I assume this will be hard and not always fun.

Years ago, I noticed how hard it was for people in recovery or in need of recovery to fit into some of the traditional environments for meaningful connection. I was in a position to participate in changing this dynamic and it felt like a worthy goal to me as a woman who grew up in a family that could have used this kind of community but never found one. I still believe and support this dream.

When I thought my work included helping others find a meaningful life and provide them the tools to accomplish it, I was a failure. And presumptuous too. But once I burned out, I realized that my success was not dependent on convincing others how to do hard things; my truest goal is to be present for people who are having a hard life. My desire is to continue to show up because it is who I am. This shift is seismic. I am not responsible for making it easy for people to be faithful; I am responsible for being a faithful person.

I cannot tell you how much added stress I have heaped on myself over the years because I had this misguided notion that somehow I was supposed to be helpful to people in this particular way. I have quit this life of hoping that if I try hard enough others will try hard too. I do not plan to return.

Stop and Smell the Roses

For a month’s worth of posts, I (Scott) am critiquing my own past blog posts. I’m viewing this as an experiment in being willing to admit when I’m wrong, change my mind, and to do so publicly.

From yesterday, on the importance of avoiding complacency:  Over time, we actively pursue new areas and skill sets, but we don't stop the pursuit [of recovery].  Remaining alert means that we can acknowledge progress as long as we acknowledge that we must also continue the work.  

Ultimately, this is the gift of recovery.  As sobriety from the area of our unmanageability requires less focus, then our capacity to focus on other areas increases.  We are free, in other words, to address smaller problems with how we are living our lives.

There is no issue too small to address.  Whatever issues we have at a moment in time are the issues worth addressing.  At the end of the day, we are the lives we lead.  Our lives are the compilation of the choices we’ve made, the character we’ve developed, etc.  

If we simply relax and take our hands off the wheel, well, I wonder…are we living?

2021 Scott’s thoughts:

I think this last question is a good one. For the most part, it is important, at least to me, to live actively. To always try to create the kind of life I want within the confines life throws at me (which are sometimes very harsh and difficult to deal with). 

However, I would also suggest it’s okay, at times, to relax. To enjoy the moment’s where we have found peace. And, conversely, in moments where life is tremendously difficult it may also be important to relax for a few minutes, and not make big decisions, and not try to change everything at once just because the present moment is such a challenge.

So- let’s be diligent about becoming the kind of people we want to be. Let’s also give ourselves permission to stop and smell the roses.

Moments of Merriment

Just as water mirrors your face, so your face mirrors your heart.

Proverbs 27:19

Let’s pray!

Father, grant us the awareness of our face and what it shows the world. May we show kindness and grace and mercy. May we find moments of merriment. And if on this day our heart is sagging a bit, maybe our face can remind our heart to sing again.

Father, our face counts. It affects others. May we be mindful of what our face is telling those we love, and Father, if at all possible, may we be a bit of sunshine in the life of someone else.

Amen

May you stand close to someone today who feels like sunshine!

God Will Light Your Path

Meditation is as simple as sitting, breathing and focusing on the present moment. Research indicates that this is extremely helpful especially if we are struggling with anxiety or depression. When we get distracted with thoughts and worries and plans for the future, just take a deep breath and refocus on our breath.

We are SUPPOSED to experience discomfort, distraction and the like. It serves as a reality check. We notice that we are actually more frantic than we want to admit. Or maybe we see how worried we are about a particular situation. AFTER our meditation, these thoughts may inspire us to write in our prayer journal, or ask God for his divine intervention. But during the “sit” we listen.

Today, here is a verse that offers us a bit of insight into what a faithful life can gift us.

Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of men in their deceitful scheming.

Ephesians 4:14 NIV

It’s possible in the age of the internet and Facebook to find any information we want to confirm our biases. There are conspiracy theories and plenty of people who want to toy with us. There are also sincere people who others discredit for their own personal gain. If we’re paying attention, it gets pretty hard to figure out what is true.

But here’s the thing that I love so much. God has given us a path to follow, with just enough light to keep us stepping. Today, find some time to ground yourself in his love, grace and mercy. His character is the most important reality we can rely on.

Dial It Back: What is Helpful and What is Not

When the stock market plummeted and I could not find toilet paper or chicken anywhere...my heart started skipping beats and racing with anxiety. Until I paused. I went into my toolbox and pulled out every resource I could find. Here are a couple that were extremely helpful:

* We have been hearing for forever about how it is important to stay in the present moment. So I decided to stay there. When my mind started judging this sudden rush on toilet paper, I thanked my thoughts for caring about my clean tushy, but politely asked them to move on. I reminded myself that for today, I had enough toilet paper. In fact, when I thought about it - I had PLENTY of everything I needed. This brought me not only joy but got me thinking about who might not have plenty. Sharing ensued. Staying in the present, reminding myself of what was real, was really, really calming.

* Do what is helpful. When we have wide margins for error during times of calm and low stress, we can afford to get a little careless with our disciplines or even explore new ways of being in the world. This is NOT that time. So Pete and I said, “What is helpful for us? What is not helping?” Here is the real list we made in response to that question:

* It is NOT helpful to watch the news. We know enough to know what we need to do today.

* It is VERY helpful to walk together every single day. (Often we tag team exercise, not right now. We do this together.)

* It is NOT helpful to waste time on distractions. We do not have the margins for being spiritually...thoughtless. We eliminated all TV.

* It is VERY helpful to do our spiritual practices - meditation, quiet time, etc. every single practice that we have done in the past that was helpful - we do daily.

* It is NOT helpful to whine about what we do not have. (Although, I do think whining about missing our grandchildren is just plain necessary.)

* It is VERY helpful to speak gratitude to each other and remind each other of every single little thing that brings us joy. I’ve seen a lot of others doing this too. I’ve seen more pictures of birds, sunsets and goats in the last six weeks than in my lifetime. Keep ‘em coming!!

* It is NOT helpful to experience too much boredom or lethargy - a little is good; too much distraction is not, but there is a happy medium.

* It is VERY helpful to continue serving others, working out, eating right, learning, practicing or finding hobbies, etc. This requires adjustments but my goodness - check out Youtube! I am convinced that if this goes too much longer, many of us could earn a PhD in something!!

* Do what is enjoyable! If it is present moment focused, helpful and brings you joy - go for it! This is a great stress reliever AND quite hopeful, don’t you think?