Closing Thoughts on Positive Faith

In closing out this series on positive faith- here’s what I might like you to takeaway, if I had my druthers. (If you haven’t read the series visit: northstarcommunity.com/devotionals to see what I’m on about).

Faith doesn’t have to be (and shouldn’t be) about:

-Living in shame

-Viewing yourself as bad, wrong, or evil

-Avoiding “bad” behaviors

-Blaming ourselves or others for suffering

Faith can be about:

-A God who comforts, loves, protects, and provides

-Building each other up

-Encouraging each other

-Looking for the good in each other

-Growing as a result of these

Faith and, and should be, a sense of connection to God, our neighbor, ourselves, and even creation itself. This connection provides a sense of peace about our place in the world- as well as a source of joy and hope. Faith encourages us to continue to look life directly in the face, even when it’s difficult, and to refuse to back down. Not because we’re strong or macho, but because we believe God will give us what we need to get from one moment to the next, and because we believe that surviving is the ultimate display of faith in action.

God has designed each of us. You have gifts, and strengths. You have something to offer. Too often faith communities have asked us to ignore, or even suppress, these things because of some wrong-headed notion that it might somehow take attention away from God.

I say no. The things that make you unique only point to beauty and depth of God’s creativity. So, please, if you can, embrace everything that makes you you. I kinda think that’s what God wants.

Positive Faith in Scripture: Born Blind

“Walking down the street, Jesus saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked, “Rabbi, who sinned: this man or his parents, causing him to be born blind?”

Jesus said, “You’re asking the wrong question. You’re looking for someone to blame. There is no such cause-effect here. Look instead for what God can do.”

John 9:1-4, Message

In John 9 we find a theological conflict Jesus attempted to squash several times during his ministry that still continues today. Jesus and his crew stumble upon a man born without sight and they ask him, “Is this his fault, or is he being punished for the sins of his parents?”

The connection between misfortune and spiritual performance is one many still attempt to draw today. John Piper famously delivered sermons blaming the LGBTQ+ community for Hurricane Katrina.

But, we ask the wrong question. Or, in Piper’s case, we offer the wrong explanation.

No one is to blame. There is no such cause and effect here. Look instead for what God can do.

We do not always need to spend an excruciating amount of time analyzing the past and continuing to rake ourselves, or others, over coals in order to live as faithful people. In many cases we are far better served to consider what God can do moving forward.

This is the spiritual and theological backbone of positive faith- and a thoroughly ancient Christian message:

“Your past is behind you- let’s see what God has in store as you move forward.”

When We Know Better, We Do Better

Most people who know me understand that after years of teaching about "codependency" as a dreaded disease that needed to be eradicated, I have changed my mind. Again, more on that later, but for now, let's clear something up in terms of assumptions.

When we know better, we do better. Codependency was a word that was created to describe the dance treatment professionals noticed between family members and loved ones with their "dependent" - a person with a substance use disorder. I'm sure those early observers didn't mean it to become a cuss word or a term of condescension - but this is what happened.

Families were soon getting "blamed" for their loved ones choices even as the experts told them that they did not cause, nor could that cure or control the disease that had overtaken their beloved. But honestly - if anyone has ever said to you, "Wow, that's pretty codependent." You felt blamed. At a minimum, you felt judged.

In Emily and Amelia Nagoski's book, Burnout The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle, they discuss the role of science in their introduction - and it is brilliant. They remind us that science is a particular way of being wrong. This certainly would have been good information for us to remember as various ones of us have railed against "the experts" during the covid crisis. Science is SUPPOSED to get it wrong; that's how they figure out how to get a bit better at a problem that no one had ever resolved before! Scientists are trying to be a little bit less wrong than the ones who came before them. They want to be wrong in a particularly helpful way. They want to be wrong in a manner that can be tested and proven.

Codependency language was a first step; it was picking up on something that addiction researchers understand better now, because, well, science. Addiction is a family disease - and various family members "break out" in different symptoms. The person with the use disorder looks one way; their loved ones look another. All of it is fairly predictable.

We could think of it like this. The family members become the "human givers" and the used disordered represent the "human beings" - because, duh. When someone has a use disorder, their brain is greatly compromised. They are fighting to survive and do not have much capacity for giving. This disparity is not limited to families with use disorders, but I just want to make note of the similarities because...as we walk through what happened to me and how I found my way through the tunnel of darkness, maybe others will find common ground and (I hope and pray) maybe their own way "through."

Today, take a few minutes to see where you are in life. Are you giving or being?

Our Work

If we use Sarai as an example of our own struggles with disappointment, what might we learn? We could certainly notice that blaming Abram probably is not helping her heal. I wonder if it would help Sarai (and us) to make a couple of lists?

1. Make a list of all the things that we grieve over that are not, and never were, up to us. For example - is it possible for us to change another person? No. Even if we want to, each person has the right and responsibility to choose their path in life - even if it is self-destructive. Can we control who lives and dies? Mostly not. We may feel guilty about some of our decisions, but only the things that we are actually responsible for go on list 2, not list 1.

2. Make a list of the choices we have made that we cannot undo. No matter how much we regret them, these are the decisions we must come to acknowledge and accept as ours to own.

This can be a necessary part of the work of grief. We mourn what happened and what did not happen. When my mother died, I mourned her passing AND I grieved over all the things that did not happen. It took we a long while to understand that my work involved grieving the loss of two things - the stuff that was not and never was up to me and the choices I cannot undo.

Consider your lists today; see if in making them you discover some "stuck" places in your own grief work.

Suffering Does Not Have to Destroy

Easter is over for this year, has been for awhile now. I've spent more than Easter's time slot on the subject of suffering and resurrection. But if I may, indulge me one more blog post. Suffering does not have to destroy us. Your suffering does not have to destroy you.

We are in far greater danger from the extremes to which we go to avoid our suffering. We run from our own deaths, we try to evade hard times. Rather than confronting our suffering, we are far more likely to go in search of an enemy to blame. Please consider that those things you most oppose - be it personalities or politics or even sports teams - these are distractions. They are also dead ends. Our lives will never improve through an obsessive focus on blaming and opposing others.

Instead, I would point you to Jesus. The losing God. The God who refused to say he was King even though he was one. Jesus, the guy who raised his friend from the dead (too late to avoid a scolding from his friends Martha and Mary perhaps) knowing that this would be the final straw and lead to his own death. Jesus, the guy who tried to tell us that death is far less scary when we sit in the hands of God than it is to live a life missing the point.

Don't miss the point, please. And, when you do, like me, miss the point - don't beat yourself up. Take a break from social media and maybe dig in the dirt or take a long walk or play an instrument or listen to a song that makes your heart sing. Make cookies with your grandchildren - if you don't have grandchildren, make cookies for someone. Invite a friend to sit on your patio and soak up the sun and a little encouragement. Say yes when your friend invites you to play bridge even if you have to rearrange your schedule. Love the ones you're with. This is truly, our one wild and precious life. Don't waste it worrying about whether or not your silly little sideboard might be stranded in the Panama Canal.