Good News and Minor Miracles

The most amazing thing happened to me when I read a negative book review of one of my books on Amazon. I did not mind. This is truly evidence that miracles happen! After the review was pointed out to me I made note of my reaction during my daily inventory. Of course, no one EVER said, “Gee, I hope I get a negative book review today!” But I inventoried myself. I listened. I looked deep into my soul and what did I see? Gratitude.

Even as he was telling me about the review, I was swept up by the moment, not the negative message. My friend was upset by the review. I believe he said something like, “It hurts my heart.” Nothing is more precious to me than having a friend whose heart is willing to hurt on my behalf. Never ever in a million years will I begrudge the reviewer’s opinion for it gave me the opportunity to feel the kindness of a dear friend.

This is the gift of recovery made possible through working all 12 of the steps, not just the ones I prefer to attend to. Step Ten (daily inventories with necessary follow up repairs) reordered my life and my mind and even my heart. I cannot explain it but over time I have become less invested in the opinion of others and more committed to developing my own character. The process has certainly supported behavioral changes in me but even better - it has drained my energy for being overly concerned about the behavior of others. Sometimes I am a bit kinder, less impatient, and a titch more helpful because I know that later on I will stare all my deeds down during my daily inventory.

But it is this next step - Step Eleven: We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood him - that has brought springs of living water to my thirsty soul. It offers freedom and a promise and a practice that cannot be described - only experienced.

In Step Eleven we practice prayer and meditation for ONLY two reasons: to improve our conscious contact with God AND for the knowledge and strength to carry out his will for my life.

Clear. Simple. Direct. Life-altering. And we are going to talk about it for awhile. Stay tuned.

Appropriate Interruptions

The tenth step helps us monitor ourselves which helps us interrupt any behaviors, recurring thoughts, ruminations, big feelings or chaos that might disrupt our recovery. The elements suggested for an effective tenth step include:

1. A daily inventory format that is manageable, habitual and effective for reviewing our strengths and weaknesses. Some people recommended doing this twice a day - first thing in the morning and last thing at night. If you can only do one, then I recommend a nightly inventory just so you catch anything that you might be tempted to ignore from the day’s events.

2. This daily habit helps us recognize (eventually) in real time our strengths and weaknesses. Of course, there are times when I may recognize that I am about to behave in a way that is not healthy but I seem unable to stop myself. This is a program of progress, not perfection. It is REAL progress to become more self-aware!

3. A daily inventory develops the habits necessary to enforce the key principles of a recovery program. Done thoroughly, it keeps us honest. It helps us notice when we are accepting responsibility for our life and when we fall short. We also spot those times when we need to adjust our treatment of others. Respecting others in all their affairs is an important tenet of a decent recovery program. It also helps us pay attention to our service work.

4. A written daily inventory provides us with a history of our work to build on our strengths and attend to our weaknesses.

There are many formats for completing a tenth step. I hope you will be inspired during this season of self-quarantine to experiment and find one that works for you. Or, as my youngest suggested, start watching Survivor. I personally am a big fan of Step 10.

Again With the Inventory...

In Step Ten, we develop a habit of taking a regular inventory of our lives - daily. This is not a new idea. 400 years ago, give or take, St. Ignatius Loyola proffered a similar suggestion for a daily prayer practice that has become known as The Daily Examen. We use this prayer at the end of the day to review our day, find God’s gifts and reasons for gratitude, notice our emotions, and choose one aspect of our day to pray over. This is one way to complete a daily tenth step practice.

I often go to the drive through of my local Starbucks and grab an afternoon latte. Yum. Each day, I ask the server to “not give me one of those little plastic green stopper thingys” as I am trying to do my part to keep plastic from overwhelming the world. Every single time - I receive the unwanted stopper! My sweet and kind baristas are unconsciously in the habit of providing those stoppers and no matter how many times I ask, I still get one. At first, I was irritated by my thwarted attempts at being kinder to the universe. How hard can this be?!?

Early on I noticed in my daily examen how irritated and frustrated I became every time my “request” for no green stopper was ignored. (Part of paying attention to our emotions the Ignatia Prayer way is to ask God to show us some ways that our feelings are teaching us that we are falling short of our intentions.) I noticed my pattern of irritation and I did not like what I saw. What profit is it to save on using little green stopper thingys a couple times a week if I do it with a scowl on my face? The Daily Examen gave me the gift of a renewed perspective. Much like I practice my backhand so that I can play better tennis, practicing gratitude over this small, insignificant matter may build gratitude muscles that I need for bigger issues.

Today, as a result of my Examen, I find joy in the moment. It’s become a game of sorts, albeit a secret, solitary one. I have chosen to ask for something I never receive and find gratitude in the exchange. This is NOT me. Or at least, this is not me on my own, living independently of God. The issues I wrestled with in Step Four were so very painful; honestly, my issues have not changed drastically. What has changed is how I handle them; the speed with which I process them; the joy I feel in taking one small next right step without requiring an “ism” to get out of bed.