Again With the Inventory...
In Step Ten, we develop a habit of taking a regular inventory of our lives - daily. This is not a new idea. 400 years ago, give or take, St. Ignatius Loyola proffered a similar suggestion for a daily prayer practice that has become known as The Daily Examen. We use this prayer at the end of the day to review our day, find God’s gifts and reasons for gratitude, notice our emotions, and choose one aspect of our day to pray over. This is one way to complete a daily tenth step practice.
I often go to the drive through of my local Starbucks and grab an afternoon latte. Yum. Each day, I ask the server to “not give me one of those little plastic green stopper thingys” as I am trying to do my part to keep plastic from overwhelming the world. Every single time - I receive the unwanted stopper! My sweet and kind baristas are unconsciously in the habit of providing those stoppers and no matter how many times I ask, I still get one. At first, I was irritated by my thwarted attempts at being kinder to the universe. How hard can this be?!?
Early on I noticed in my daily examen how irritated and frustrated I became every time my “request” for no green stopper was ignored. (Part of paying attention to our emotions the Ignatia Prayer way is to ask God to show us some ways that our feelings are teaching us that we are falling short of our intentions.) I noticed my pattern of irritation and I did not like what I saw. What profit is it to save on using little green stopper thingys a couple times a week if I do it with a scowl on my face? The Daily Examen gave me the gift of a renewed perspective. Much like I practice my backhand so that I can play better tennis, practicing gratitude over this small, insignificant matter may build gratitude muscles that I need for bigger issues.
Today, as a result of my Examen, I find joy in the moment. It’s become a game of sorts, albeit a secret, solitary one. I have chosen to ask for something I never receive and find gratitude in the exchange. This is NOT me. Or at least, this is not me on my own, living independently of God. The issues I wrestled with in Step Four were so very painful; honestly, my issues have not changed drastically. What has changed is how I handle them; the speed with which I process them; the joy I feel in taking one small next right step without requiring an “ism” to get out of bed.
