We Cannot Give What We Do Not Have

You have to learn to love yourself before you can love someone else. Because it’s only when we love ourselves that we feel worthy of someone else’s love.

Alyssa B. Sheinmel

When I first heard about “self love” all I could think of was narcissism. For many reasons, I have spent my whole life hoping this was NOT a trait I would carry with me in life. So I scoffed at this idea of loving one’s self. I resisted it. I feared it.

If “learning to love yourself” sounds more like psycho-babble than a thing to you, ok, I get it. But I have found new words that resonate more with me that capture this idea that we cannot give away what we do not possess. How about this?

You cannot respect others if you do not know how to respect yourself. You will not require others to respect you, if you cannot lead the way in showing them how.

You cannot treat others with dignity unless you require others to treat with the dignity you plan to return.

You cannot recognize the inherent worth of others unless you recognize and celebrate your own inherent worth.

We cannot give what we do not have.

So if loving yourself, although biblical, feels just a smidge out of reach - try these principles on and see if progress can be made!

Small Beautiful Moments

There is nothing more beautiful than someone who goes out of their way to make life beautiful for others.

Mandy Hale

A young man turns in his father for potential violence. Some think the father is a seditionist, others believe he is a patriot. Both sides are certain of their assessment. Meanwhile, once we pick a side we seem predisposed to demonize those we disagree with and idealize the folks whose beliefs align with ours. Nothing is more un-Jesus than this lack of respect and dignity for all.

We live in confusing times. Violent times. Frightening times.

What can we do? Is this suffering beyond our capacity to change?

I think not. Start small. Make life beautiful for others. My friend Julie regularly drops off books for my granddaughter Norah. These gifts make Norah’s day beautiful. And I love them too!

My neighbors have broken all the post-Christmas rules and kept their outdoor Christmas lights up. When I sit in my office at night, zooming away, I can look up and see the beauty of my neighbor’s extravagant light show. It is beautiful.

Someone we love is in hospice far away - it seems as if there is not much we can do. But we managed to order some beautiful stamps and we sent she and her partner a note. I hope it feels like one tiny beautiful moment in a painful, grievous day.

Small. Beautiful. Do it for others!

Inherent Worth

I’m coming to believe that my worth isn’t based on my productivity. My worth is inherent - and yours is too.

Author unknown

Inherent worth, when applied to all humanity, requires that we develop the discipline of treating everyone with respect and dignity. And that’s just the starting point.

I keep returning to this principle as I find myself resisting it, looking for exception clauses and ways around this responsibility. But again and again, I return to this idea that I am responsible FOR living out my core values, which makes me responsible TO my fellow humans.

We can treat people with respect and dignity even as consequences are meted out for wrongs committed. This is why we have this thing called “due process”, where people are innocent until proven guilty. But once they are found guilty, there is this accompanying principle called justice.

Even in the handing out of justice, we are still bound to the foundational principle of treating others with dignity and respect.

This requires us to be able to walk and chew gum at the same time. We have to be able to appropriately discern when we administer justice and how we do so with respect and dignity for all. This includes the victims and the perpetrators. And it is very, very hard work.

But first, let’s start with ourselves. Because until we do that, it will be impossible for us to figure out how to apply it to others.

You are a person of inherent worth. It is not based on your behavior, beliefs, or your best efforts. You have worth because you are a human, created by God and in his image. This worth is a right and a responsibility. It will necessitate careful and prayerful consideration of the choices you, you inherently worthy person, will make about how you live your “one wild and precious life” (Mary Oliver).

Because you are worthy, you know that you are capable of being a worthwhile person. But you are still worthy of respect and dignity, no matter what you do, or do not do, with your life.