Day 27: Strengthening Our Ability to Give and Receive Love

I wonder, no, that’s not accurate, I am pretty sure I KNOW that our limited social interactions have made this year extremely difficult regardless of our situation. Homebound or essential worker - everyone has something to complain about. As we approach Christmas, I wonder if it might be good to take a few blogs to think about spirituality and its place in our life. Perhaps it could help us find some comfort or guidance during these difficult days.

Although spirituality comes in a variety of forms – all who seek after spiritual truths have one common element to their worship – they long to be connected. This connection, however expressed, includes a connection with God and others. So being quarantined cannot be great for our spirituality, right?

Experts hasten to add that it should also include a good connection with self. Learning to love God, self and others seems like one of those things we must not lose heart and grow weary in the doing. I believe it is important for another reason. People who lose all sense of connection lose all hope. This feeling of “disconnect” may not seem logical to those who love the hopeless one, but this feeling of invisibility seems to be a hallmark for the depressed and suicidal. Clearly, I don’t have the power to restore hope to the hopeless – that is God’s department. But I do believe that each of us bears the “burden” of responsibility to be a spiritual friend. (This is one of those concepts that should thrive within the limits of healthy boundaries – learning how to love God, self and others well.) I confess, this study comes out of a deep, hurting place within me. I am asking questions and seeking answers about how each of us can strengthen our ability to both give and receive love.

Right now, it all seems very hard.

How Come I Don’t Get Invited to Christmas Brunch?

I was no longer invited on family vacations, and my parents didn’t try to come up with plausible reasons why: We just don’t want to be with you, they would tell me. And I didn’t even care. (Indeed, this past year, I was surprised to be told about a trip to Alaska my parents and siblings had taken while I was still using.) Whenever anyone in my family went out of town, they had to check in at least once a day in case I died. This wasn’t maudlin, just the reality I had imposed on my family’s lives.

Seth Mnookin, “Harvard and Heroin”

I know not all of us end up at Harvard addicted to heroin. But we all have our...things. And those “things”, those dependencies make it hard for us to be fully present in the lives of those we love. This causes problems. Problems cause disconnects. Disconnects create conflict and confusion and isolation.

Forget about a list of people you have harmed. Instead, try making a list of “uncomfortable” relationships that are not quite right. Get curious. What’s up? This is the list that has one common denominator. You. This in no way means you are ‘THE PROBLEM’ but it does mean that some common issues may run through your list.

Tomorrow, we’ll get a bit more pragmatic. Ditch the idea that the only bad problems are associated with Harvard of heroin and consider less dramatic but still difficult problems.