Finding YOUR Joy!

Without doing my therapy via a blog post, which is really boring and not helpful, let me say this: I found a hard thing to do that fit with what I was learning about myself in therapy. Here's the thing: I needed to find my joy. MY joy. I enrolled in a program that required me to spend money on myself, attend workshops and retreats and write papers and engage with strangers to work toward a goal. It benefited no one but me. It required others to "give" me support while I was "being" a person in search of her joy.

Today, as I write this, I have recently completed my program. In a few minutes, I will push a button (or whatever it requires) and my new website will be launched that will allow me to pursue my same passion in a new and different way. I am pretty darn joyful.

I had many second-thoughts and frustrations along the way. This work required me to dig deep and shift from "human giver" to "human being."

I have accidentally stumbled into the benefits and joys that only came when I was willing to admit that many of my old ways of thinking, doing and feeling were not working for me anymore. Once upon a time, I believe they helped me survive. But I wanted to move beyond that. I want to be a person who thrives.

What's not working for you? What failure do you need to acknowledge?

Positive Emotions are Fleeting

One of the challenges we face in trying to add positive experiences to our lives is finding out fleeting, or temporary, positive emotions can be. We have to be careful, then, that we’re not simply chasing one pleasant experience after another. Building positive emotions in our lives requires more of us than this.

As we talked about the last few days, our goal is not just more moments of happiness but to live a life worth living. We do this through intentionally seeking things out in our lives that make life not only tolerable but enjoyable, and not all of these positive things are fun or pleasant to do. For instance, meditation is something that broadens our minds and our experience of the world.

Research has shown, in particular, that loving-kindness meditations are particularly helpful in this area. While it may be difficult to learn to do, and difficult to practice regularly, and may not be particularly fun, it will increase the internal resources we have to deal with life as it is. It broadens our perspective which allows to engage with life more creatively (as opposed to, say, the fight-or-flight kinds of responses that are more typical).

My point is this: increasing our ability to thrive and experience positive aspects of life is not just about sensation-seeking. It is about adding in things we need in order to grow and develop as humans regardless of how enjoyable they may be. It is also not easy to learn a new skill, develop meaningful relationships, or create time for silence. But, doing so may expand, in a positive way, our experience of our own lives.

It will require hard work...but we can do hard things.