I Quit!

"I quit." It's not like I haven't fantasized about saying these words for years. I have daydreamed about free time and not being the person who shows up when someone overdoses. I admit, I have had those thoughts. But my core values kept tripping me up. I said many years ago that if I chose to walk the path of recovery with others, the one thing I would not do is quit on them. So, I reasoned, quitting is not a thing I can choose.

I was wrong.

I have quit. Not my job, because I love the work. But my breakdown has taught me that there were several things I absolutely did need to quit. None of them had anything to do with my job; they had everything to do with how I thought about my work.

In recovery, I know how easy it is to toggle between two extremes of thought. "I gotta stop using now" versus "I cannot and will not be able to stop using ever." This same extreme way of thinking happens to all of us. There are moments when we assess our goals in extreme ways. "I can do this and you cannot stop me!" versus "I can't do it, I give up, everything is terrible!"

Here are some examples of the dilemma of deciding whether to proceed or quit: Do we want to work on this marriage or get divorced? Should I change jobs or hang in and hope things improve? Should I get sober or try to manage my drinking better? Should I quit school, transfer, or slog onward?

How do we handle the stress associated with competing values? People love to win, but when does the effort outweigh the potential benefits of the continued effort? Of course, we can make a list of pros and cons, long term versus short term benefits and try to be logical.

But many times, our body, brain and heart have more knowledge than we can find on a spreadsheet. Stay tuned.

Thinking and Rethinking

An easy way to care less and focus more on the issues that really matter in our life is to start assuming we are wrong. I am deadly serious about this. We are wrong most of the time. Our beliefs are often misguided or distorted. Our conclusions are usually more hypothesis than fact. We are wrong most of the time.

It is an awesome spiritual practice to ask yourself, "What if I'm wrong?" Remember, our brain does NOT like to contemplate being wrong. This form of inquiry requires it to fire up extra cylinders and kick itself into a higher gear. No self-respecting brain wants to do that! Our initial response will most likely be something along the lines of, "I couldn't possibly be wrong about this!" Again, just to be clear, yes. Yes. We could be wrong.

"It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it."

Aristotle

We will need to challenge our mind - a powerful force that is well suited for denying anything that is inconvenient and will cause more work. When we ask this question, we may discover that indeed, we were right! That's great, but it will in no way grow or develop us. It will always be in the midst of discovering something wrong that we will get smarter, wiser and...better at playing the piano if we will humble ourselves and consider a different perspective.

What are you so sure about that you might need to rethink?

What God Wants...

So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life - Your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life - And place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him… Fix your attention on God.

Romans 12:1-2 MSG

Is there a need for endless chatter about what God’s will for us is? I think not. We can sit quietly, contemplatively, secure in the knowledge that we have the meat of the message right here, right now. Next up? We ask how to personalize it in our own life. How do we stay close to God and receive his help? Who do we love in our everyday life? This is our choice.

What God Wants...

So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life - Your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life - And place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him… Fix your attention on God.

Romans 12:1-2 MSG

Is there a need for endless chatter about what God’s will for us is?

I think not. We can sit quietly, contemplatively, secure in the knowledge that we have the meat of the message right here, right now.

Next up? We ask how to personalize it in our own life. How do we stay close to God and receive his help?

Who do we love in our everyday life? This is our choice.