I Quit!

"I quit." It's not like I haven't fantasized about saying these words for years. I have daydreamed about free time and not being the person who shows up when someone overdoses. I admit, I have had those thoughts. But my core values kept tripping me up. I said many years ago that if I chose to walk the path of recovery with others, the one thing I would not do is quit on them. So, I reasoned, quitting is not a thing I can choose.

I was wrong.

I have quit. Not my job, because I love the work. But my breakdown has taught me that there were several things I absolutely did need to quit. None of them had anything to do with my job; they had everything to do with how I thought about my work.

In recovery, I know how easy it is to toggle between two extremes of thought. "I gotta stop using now" versus "I cannot and will not be able to stop using ever." This same extreme way of thinking happens to all of us. There are moments when we assess our goals in extreme ways. "I can do this and you cannot stop me!" versus "I can't do it, I give up, everything is terrible!"

Here are some examples of the dilemma of deciding whether to proceed or quit: Do we want to work on this marriage or get divorced? Should I change jobs or hang in and hope things improve? Should I get sober or try to manage my drinking better? Should I quit school, transfer, or slog onward?

How do we handle the stress associated with competing values? People love to win, but when does the effort outweigh the potential benefits of the continued effort? Of course, we can make a list of pros and cons, long term versus short term benefits and try to be logical.

But many times, our body, brain and heart have more knowledge than we can find on a spreadsheet. Stay tuned.