Practice Being Uncomfortable…

Failure is demotivating. It's frustrating. I do not always respond well when I perceive I have failed. I think this is a fairly predictable response to discomfort, but guess what? I'm learning that being uncomfortable is a precious gift on the path to growth.

Pete and I enjoy our empty nester early morning routine, which includes solving a puzzle or two before we rush off to a day filled with adulting. One of the puzzles I prefer, Kakuro, is a great crossword like puzzle without words. You have to align numbers 1 through 9 in such a way as to come up with the designated total count both vertically and horizontally. Sometimes it is really hard and I get frustrated trying to solve it. The secret is to just keep working the puzzle. Plug away, fill in what you can. Start with the easy ones - a two square line that equals 16 HAS to be 9 and 7, and if you put those two options down on paper, you might discover that there is only one square the 9 or 7 will fit with the corresponding vertical or horizontal line that has its own unique options and restrictions.

Here's the point: even when unmotivated, uninspired, freaked out, insecure, neurotic and emotional - keep moving. Not in a habitual, robotic, reactionary way - but from a place of humility, curiosity, and surrender. Maybe today I will not solve the problem set in front of me but I might get better skills for my effort. I may learn new tricks that will help me with tomorrow's puzzle.

If we feel like we have to be motivated to make progress, we are wrong. If we think we have to succeed, we are wrong. If we think we need to have warm fuzzy feelings about our adulting, we are wrong. Here's what's right: keep moving and as we move, try to pay attention to aligning ourselves with our core values.

I align myself with my core values when I follow my teacher's instructions for piano fingering practice. My values include the belief that I am a student of life and lessons learned in one arena inevitably translate into other dimensions of life. I value expertise and I appreciate when I have access to it. I believe that there is value in doing things that feel unnatural at first, because it is a sign that I am awake, alert and not asleep in a habitual, unconscious patterned way of thinking, feeling and behaving with certainty.

What do you need to practice today that will be uncomfortable?

Taking Responsibility for Our Interpretations…

It is absolutely true that we do not always get a vote in what happens to us. Years ago when someone hit us head on one rainy morning in November, we were in our lane. Pete was on full alert. He saw the car barreling toward us and he did everything he could to avoid the crash. We still crashed. Our car was totaled. The other driver was declared "at fault". But we were responsible for the clean up. We had to make the insurance claim, we had to get another car, we had to do the medical follow up required for my injuries.

We were also responsible for how we interpreted what happened to us as well as how we responded.

I was initially furious with the young man. I wanted someone else to take responsibility for my problems. Eventually, because my attorney is a great friend and no one else received a head injury like I did - calm prevailed. We chose to see it for what it was - an accident. This young man did not set out to lose control of his car.

Even when it seems like this is not the case - it is always true that we are constantly, actively interpreting and evaluating what is happening. We are jumping to conclusions and making assumptions. Our experiences - which are always limited - are gathered in our brain and shouting out explanations that may not have any basis in reality.

It is absolutely NOT true that if you pay your kid's rent she will be safe. She may not be homeless as a result of your generosity, but that does not guarantee her safety. She is responsible for her safety. Now, can she take full responsibility for her safety and still be unsafe? Absolutely. We do not always control what happens to us. But it is also true that we cannot control what happens to others.

This is why, if we want to grow and change, we need support and feedback. I did not know I had some bad habits that were causing my tennis ball to behave in ways that were frustrating. Who knew that I was taking my racket back way too far? Not me! But my tennis teacher knows, and he also knows how to help me correct my wild swing.

Here is the bottom line: We do not know what we do not know AND we are responsible for figuring what we do not know out if we want to grow up.

Our Calling May Feel Like a Cluster Cuss

Mother Teresa of Calcutta is an iconic figure. She dedicated her life to the marginalized people in India and died at the age of 87 with an unblemished record of selfless and tireless ministry in the name of her faith without a single scandal, sexual or otherwise, throughout her life of service. Now THAT'S saying something!

People revere her. But Mother Teresa herself was deeply troubled, even tormented about her faith and periods of doubt about God. In a collection of letters she wrote over 66 years ("Mother Teresa: Come Be My Light") we see a woman whose experience of her purpose was wildly different from our perception of her calling. And guess what? She never wanted any of us to know this about her. The Vatican did not accede to her wishes and destroy her letters, keeping them instead as potential relics of a saint. I bet she is spitting mad.

Here's an excerpt. "I spoke as if my very heart was in love with God - tender, personal love," she wrote to one advisor. "If you were (there), you would have said, 'What hypocrisy.' " Although I would not want to meet Mother Teresa on the other side of eternity if I had published those personal outpourings of suffering, I am grateful to have the opportunity to read them. They provide me some perspective when I think about my own life, when I doubt my own value, when I question my own calling.

Mother Teresa made service a requirement of living without asking it to make her happy. Like that awful parable that Jesus wrote about the hard and relentless life and times of a servant, I appreciate the perspective and how it might inform my own sense of calling.

Living a purposeful life does not require it to be meaningful but instructs: JUST DO IT. (Nike stole it from Jesus is how I'm seeing it from Dr. Willimon's perspective.) Maybe you, like me, are having a sad day, week, month or year. Maybe you are questioning yourself, wondering if you are a lazy pastor because you couldn't figure out how to create magnificent worship experiences in a parking lot of a commercial office park. Ok. Have a good cry. But then get off your ass and do the next right thing for the role into which you were called: spouse, parent of an addict, daughter of an alcoholic, lawyer, IT professional, and or - God bless your soul - pastor. Whatever role is assigned; just do it. If it were easy and glamorous and personally fulfilling, Mother Teresa would not have 66 years of intimate letters (written to trusted advisors who turned her stuff over to the Vatican) filled with doubt and dissatisfaction.

Day 28: Carrying the Message of Lovingkindness

I have the grand privilege of visiting a local treatment facility in our community on a regular basis. I love that place! I have missed my visits while practicing social distancing. One of the reasons I enjoy my visits is because of the hospitality. I am always greeted warmly and with great enthusiasm. Sometimes I pop down there just for a cup of kindness. In a world that is sometimes harsh and unwelcoming, it’s nice to have a place to go where people treat you like you’re special.

According to scripture, this kind of lovingkindness should be the hallmark of all our relationships. I remember a time when we used to hang out in public that I ran into my local gas station for my daily cup of coffee. I was standing patiently in line, waiting to buy my java and chat with my friends behind the counter. A lady came in and rammed me and several other patrons out of the way. She was rude, and she knew it. This is not the first time I’ve experienced this, nor will it be the last. But the thing that really got to me was that she didn’t even care! She knew she was pushing her way past three previously patiently waiting customers, but by gosh, she felt she was entitled! She treated my buddies behind the counter like they were her personal servants! She was demanding, and with all her snazzy clothes and sporty car—quite frankly, it made her look very unattractive. I’d say it added a good ten pounds of entitlement.

The contrast between her belligerent behavior and the warm kindness of the guys in my favorite rehab facility was startling. This lady (from all appearances) had a lot of stuff those guys don’t have right now: she had wheels, she had money, and she had really great clothes. But what my friends in treatment have far outweighs all that stuff; they have gratitude. They are grateful to have a warm place to stay while they heal. This gratitude just spills out of most of them and onto anyone who comes through the door. I have spent the better part of my day marveling at how differently we can perceive our worlds. Depending on our viewpoint, life can be marvelous with little or miserable with much.

“So, my dear friends, don’t get thrown off course. Every desirable and beneficial gift comes out of heaven. The gifts are rivers of light cascading down from the Father of light. There is nothing deceitful in God, nothing two-faced, nothing fickle. He brought us to life using the true Word, showing us off as the crown of all his creatures.”

James 1:16-18 The Message

One indicator that we’re awake spiritually is when we’re grateful for the privilege of carrying the message of lovingkindness with us wherever we go, no matter the circumstances surrounding us. And it certainly doesn’t hurt to treat the essential workers among us with courtesy as we travel.

Embracing God-Light

This is the perfect time to remember why God’s word can serve as a light to our dark path.

“This is the crisis we’re in: God-light streamed into the world, but men and women everywhere ran for the darkness. They went for the darkness because they were not really interested in pleasing God. Everyone who makes a practice of doing evil, addicted to denial and illusion, hates God-light and won’t come near it, fearing a painful exposure. But anyone working and living in truth and reality welcomes God-light so the work can be seen for the God-work it is.”

John 3:19-21 The Message

So often we miss-identify our crises. As dangerous and confounding as the Corona Virus has been, the bigger threat is choosing darkness over pleasing God. It is tempting to equate light with knowing stuff, certainty, orderliness, and conviction. That has not been my experience.

For me, light and God-work go hand-in-hand. Not certainty.

This is good news because it means that a pandemic and political unrest do not constitute darkness. They are simply two more opportunities for God-light. How might this God-light look? It depends. But in order for it to be light, it has to include humility, curiosity, kindness, gentleness, goodness, faithfulness, self-control. And more.

God-light is exposure - not of others, but of ourselves. God-light asks us to see ourselves as we are, not as we wish we were. Without shame or judgment. Now THAT is work. But it is the path we are called to.

For today, instead of thinking about someone else’s evil - ask yourself: how am I evil? Instead of shaking your head at your perception of someone else’s denial - ask yourself: where am I in denial about my own life? Instead of ranting about your delusional third cousin, ask yourself: where am I deluded? THESE ARE THE QUESTIONS! This is the path.

May God’s light reveal what it must in order for us to receive all that we need to be fully human, alive, vibrant, and true to him. May we love BIG.