Taking Responsibility for Our Interpretations…
It is absolutely true that we do not always get a vote in what happens to us. Years ago when someone hit us head on one rainy morning in November, we were in our lane. Pete was on full alert. He saw the car barreling toward us and he did everything he could to avoid the crash. We still crashed. Our car was totaled. The other driver was declared "at fault". But we were responsible for the clean up. We had to make the insurance claim, we had to get another car, we had to do the medical follow up required for my injuries.
We were also responsible for how we interpreted what happened to us as well as how we responded.
I was initially furious with the young man. I wanted someone else to take responsibility for my problems. Eventually, because my attorney is a great friend and no one else received a head injury like I did - calm prevailed. We chose to see it for what it was - an accident. This young man did not set out to lose control of his car.
Even when it seems like this is not the case - it is always true that we are constantly, actively interpreting and evaluating what is happening. We are jumping to conclusions and making assumptions. Our experiences - which are always limited - are gathered in our brain and shouting out explanations that may not have any basis in reality.
It is absolutely NOT true that if you pay your kid's rent she will be safe. She may not be homeless as a result of your generosity, but that does not guarantee her safety. She is responsible for her safety. Now, can she take full responsibility for her safety and still be unsafe? Absolutely. We do not always control what happens to us. But it is also true that we cannot control what happens to others.
This is why, if we want to grow and change, we need support and feedback. I did not know I had some bad habits that were causing my tennis ball to behave in ways that were frustrating. Who knew that I was taking my racket back way too far? Not me! But my tennis teacher knows, and he also knows how to help me correct my wild swing.
Here is the bottom line: We do not know what we do not know AND we are responsible for figuring what we do not know out if we want to grow up.
