Questions for Pondering…

For a month’s worth of posts, I (Scott) am critiquing my own past blog posts. I’m viewing this as an experiment in being willing to admit when I’m wrong, change my mind, and to do so publicly.

In order to become more aware of ourselves, it may also be worth our time to consider regularly asking ourselves some difficult questions about our lives:

What am I afraid of right now, in this moment?

What am I anxious about right now, in this moment?  

What am I angry about?  

What am I proud of?

What am I ashamed of?  

In what sense is my life incomplete?  

In what sense is it full?

In what areas have I failed (or am failing)?  

In what areas have I succeeded?  

These are just some ideas to get you started.  You may want to create your own list based on whatever core set of issues you have.  We all have the capacity to wrestle with each of these emotions and questions (and many more besides), but we tend to have favorites that are more likely to show up than others and more likely to stick around.  

Scott’s thoughts from the future:

I would also add: 

What brings me joy? (Either that you currently do or that you used to do and want to get back to doing)

What are some simple things that bring me pleasure?

How can I add more of these things into my life (without harming other important areas of my life)?

I Don't Want to Do That!

Humility is just as much the opposite of self-abasement as it is of self-exultation. To be humble is not to make comparisons. Secure in its reality, the self is neither better nor worse, bigger nor smaller, than anything else in the universe.

-Dag Hammarskjold

We may resist making amends because we have fears and resentments that make it hard for us to follow through - even when we acknowledge our wrongdoing. We compare offenses. He took my truck. She pulled my hair. He pushed me. She bit me. On and on it goes.

Recovery work is unwilling to give us a way out of doing hard things, because those who have gone before us recognize that doing hard things is the way through our suffering. Some humbling experiences are best embraced.

Do any of these things stand between you and your next right step?

* Do you find it hard to make an amends to someone who also needs to make an amends to you?

* Are you afraid that you will be rejected?

* Is your pride bruised and tender and too fragile to express the vulnerability required to admit you made a mistake?

* Are you in the habit of dishonesty rather than the practice of honesty?

* Are you selfish or self-seeking in some way that makes you reluctant to accept responsibility for your mistake?

All these thoughts holler at us to deny rather than admit. But recovery is about leaning in to a new way of living. So here is the million dollar question: who do you intend to become? I ask myself this all the time. Do I want to be the gal who sells ice to the indigenous people of Antartica (this analogy worked better before climate change became an issue) or am I a woman of principle and integrity? Am I the gal people back away from or am I the kind of woman people want to lean into and move toward - even on my bad days?