I Don't Want to Do That!

Humility is just as much the opposite of self-abasement as it is of self-exultation. To be humble is not to make comparisons. Secure in its reality, the self is neither better nor worse, bigger nor smaller, than anything else in the universe.

-Dag Hammarskjold

We may resist making amends because we have fears and resentments that make it hard for us to follow through - even when we acknowledge our wrongdoing. We compare offenses. He took my truck. She pulled my hair. He pushed me. She bit me. On and on it goes.

Recovery work is unwilling to give us a way out of doing hard things, because those who have gone before us recognize that doing hard things is the way through our suffering. Some humbling experiences are best embraced.

Do any of these things stand between you and your next right step?

* Do you find it hard to make an amends to someone who also needs to make an amends to you?

* Are you afraid that you will be rejected?

* Is your pride bruised and tender and too fragile to express the vulnerability required to admit you made a mistake?

* Are you in the habit of dishonesty rather than the practice of honesty?

* Are you selfish or self-seeking in some way that makes you reluctant to accept responsibility for your mistake?

All these thoughts holler at us to deny rather than admit. But recovery is about leaning in to a new way of living. So here is the million dollar question: who do you intend to become? I ask myself this all the time. Do I want to be the gal who sells ice to the indigenous people of Antartica (this analogy worked better before climate change became an issue) or am I a woman of principle and integrity? Am I the gal people back away from or am I the kind of woman people want to lean into and move toward - even on my bad days?