Set Your Expectations Aside…

“Believe in your heart that you’re meant to live a life full of passion, purpose, magic and miracles.”

Roy T. Bennett

Or not. It is also ok to believe that you’re meant to live a quiet life of reasonable happiness. We are all different and alike. We are alike in that when all the cylinders are firing, we have a basic survival instinct, a need for some level of social interaction and a desire for intimate connection. But the LEVEL of need is different for each of us.

I remember when my kids were little and Pete was traveling a lot I envied people who got locked up in solitary confinement. Oh for one day of quiet and time alone! This was also during the season when I believed that a trip alone to the grocery store was tantamount to winning the lottery. I do not mean to disrespect anyone who has actually had to be locked up, I realize that this is cruel and inhumane punishment and I no longer consider trips to the grocery store in my best interest (thanks coronavirus).

When we are at the end of our rope, we often long for things that are totally not in our best interest or even safe. So if the age of pandemics, believing in your heart that you’re meant to live a life full of passion, purpose, magic and miracles - go for it! But if the pressure of having to live a life full of passion, purpose, magic and miracles feels like too much - then it is. Set the expectations aside! Maybe take a nap or go for a walk!

Self-Worth and Self-Care

“Rest is not idle, is not wasteful. Sometimes rest is the most productive thing you can do for body and soul.”

Erica Layne

People who know their worth recognize the value of self-care. They rest. They relax. They allow time for restoration. Those of us who do not KNOW this, are forced to either hop on the hamster wheel of trying to prove it to self and others or find some way to numb the pain that is associated with living a lie - that we are somehow lacking.

Devaluing or inflating ourselves is living a lie and lies are hard to maintain. It rubs against our nature. It flies in the face of who God says we are. It requires massive amounts of denial.

The world feels like a scary place; I get that. I know, oh how I know, the anxiety born of wanting to please and not offend others. But I also know this - trying to win someone’s approval when I refuse to approve of myself is a waste of time. It’ll never happen.

So today, rest up. And think about it - if you were a person of value and inherently worthy, what kind of person would you want to be?

Perfectly Imperfectly Human

“Imperfections are not inadequacies; they are reminders that we’re all in this together.”

Brene Brown

Imperfect. Imperfectly human. Made in the image of God. Still, with all that image-bearing potential, we are imperfect. My grandchildren are wonderfully made and completely embracing their imperfections. I wish I were able to do the same with my own imperfections.

No healthy adult burdens a child with character assassinations simply for being imperfectly human. When one of my grandkids grabs, scratches or hits the other - the offender is removed and given a break. They sit. They count. They breathe. They return to the family activity. No one accuses them of being mean or violent or selfish or rude because those are judgment words. If we can manage as a family to NOT assassinate their character as we continue to train them in righteousness, I don’t think either one of them will be tempted to turn to serial killing for sport. But not everyone is so lucky.

During quarantine I’ve been cleaning out the corners of my house. I finally got around to old family photos, trying to pare them down to a more manageable size. I found old pictures of myself from all stages of life and I thought: Wow. I looked normal. This is NOT the message I received from a few of the people I loved and looked up to. These messages fundamentally changed me in ways I still have to account for in terms of my mental health self-care. Did anyone intend harm? I doubt it. I do believe we are all doing the best we can AND sometimes our best is not very effective. How have imperfections been handled in your world? More on suggestions for change tomorrow.

What Do YOU Need When You’re Hurting?

Well, the question is a bit unfair. A lot of us don’t know what we need when we’re hurting, we just know that we hurt.

Perhaps we should ask the question, “What has helped you before, in retrospect?” Hindsight can truly be 20/20.

Spend some time reflecting on this. Make a list.

Try to remember all of the things that helped, no matter how small.

Was it a walk, or exercise? Being in nature? Writing in a journal? A spiritual discipline? A regular phone call or lunch or some other meetup with a friend?

Share your ideas!

Don’t let any foul words come out of your mouth. Only say what is helpful when it is needed for building up the community so that it benefits those who hear what you say.

Ephesians 4:29

Dial It Back:

“Outrage is like a lot of other things that feel good but over time devour us from the inside out. And it’s even more insidious than most vices because we don’t even consciously acknowledge that it’s a pleasure.”

Tim Kreider

What if, suggests the author of the article on 7 Superpowers, we all focused on taking responsibility for our own well-being before we started yammering on about who is to blame for our discomfort? There is actually a difference between our daily experience and the high level issues we fret over and fuss about.

What if we dialed back the outrage?

Instead, take responsibility for making your life healthy, purposeful, and reasonably happy. You do you. This is not selfish, this is self-care. Our capacity to serve others is a by-product of the depth of our self-care.

You do you. But think about the You that You wanna become. Now that’s a winning strategy for life under all circumstances.