Positive Faith and Sin

The dreaded “s” word. I can remember being in seminary and having conversations with others about wanting to present faith in a more positive light- only to have them quickly dismiss it and accuse me of being “soft” on sin. Being “soft” on sin was their way of saying, “You’re not taking it seriously enough.”

Now, I would say I take it very seriously. I would also say most people I know take their own sin very seriously. I do not believe the problem, when talking about positive faith and sin, is an issue of seriousness. I believe it’s an issue of what’s the most *helpful* way to address sin that actually *helps* people live out their certain way of seeing. Yes, I used the word help twice in one sentence, and this is because I believe how we handle sin in community is a matter of helpfulness.

What is going to produce lives that more fully reflect God’s love?

I’ve got plenty to say on the topic but, in short, I’ll say this: I don’t believe shame and condemnation brings the best out of people. When we don’t bring the best out of people, we’re unlikely to see people at their best (obvious). When we don’t see people at their best, we’re unlikely to see the depths of God’s love that they have to offer the world around them. And that’s what I’m interested in seeing: God’s love springing forth in each of your lives, radically and uncontrollably.

Fear of Positivity

There has long been, in the Christian world, a fear of positivity.

I can remember my friends in seminary bristling at the idea of presenting faith in a way that was positive and affirming, as opposed to combative and demanding. If people feel free and unashamed, so the thinking goes, they won’t live out of their values. They will simply pursue pleasure and become increasingly hedonistic (self-indulgent).

I sort of partially agreed with that. I never was too keen on the idea of intentionally shaming people into obedience, but I also carried some fears about “what might happen” if people feel “too free.”

This is an area where counseling has really helped grow and expand my faith. Carl Rogers (a seminary drop-out and a famous therapist who I’ve mentioned often in the past few years) believed the exact opposite to what I’ve described above. He believed that *people grow when they feel free* (not when they feel pressure to conform). And he spent his career quite successfully researching that.

Both in my role as a pastor as well as my new role as a counselor- I can say I believe he was quite right. When I find myself trying to steer someone in the direction I want them to go, they back off and double-down on whatever their problem area is in life (whether that’s drugs, sex, or whatever). When I’m more intentional about exploring what people want for themselves and removing my ideas from the picture, they tend to move towards thriving (which often means moving away from a self-indulgent type of life- which often means living “more faithfully”).

It’s often thought that positivity is just the realm of psychology and that it has little to do with faith. It’s also often thought that the Bible itself lacks positivity (and this is why we should shame people into faithful living- because this is the “biblical way.”) *Both of these ideas are wrong.*

Over the next few days, I’ll show you just how positive the Bible can be about faith. I’m hoping this will help us all embrace a new way of being and seeing that still has ancient and deeply rich theological roots.

Go Enjoy Your Day!

I have about run out of material, for now, regarding all the gifts my breakdown has given me. But I do want to take a minute to return to the scene of the crime: my loss of joy. Joy is not the same as happiness. Today, I am unhappy that a grant proposal we turned in was not accepted. But I am still joyful.

Joy is a reflection of clarity about our purpose. Happiness usually involves getting our way. Joy is not an inside job. It comes from our shared experiences with others. Joy is the emotion that is best friends with the thought that we are "enough."

Our joy matters. Some days you are the one who reminds others; other days they remind you.

We do not have a moral obligation to give every drop of our humanity to support others ESPECIALLY people who treat us as if they are entitled to receive more from us than they would ever give in return.

Go enjoy your day!!

Say No to Self-Sabotage!

Self-sabotage is real. It definitely increases our stress levels. No one deliberately chooses to sabotage their life, but we do it! Here are some ways people commonly shoot themselves in the foot and then refuse medical treatment. Here are two common ones.

Self-criticism. Look we need to see ourselves honestly, but the world is going to criticize us enough - we do not need to pile on! Obviously we criticize ourselves when we fail, but women seem to be especially skilled at criticizing their own success. A consultant once gave me a compliment...and I was irritated! I waxed on about my gratitude for opportunities given, and my appreciation for working within the confines of a team. His response? "This team only cares about you insofar as you step in during a crisis." Years later, I believed him. Do NOT diminish yourself. There is a whole world that is gladly doing that for you.

Perfectionism. My friends like to tease me about my typos and such. I used to try to fix the typos so as to avoid the comments. Not anymore. Today I realize that a few typos sprinkled in with decent productivity is an acceptable "good enough." If we sweat the small stuff, we may never get to the part of life when we live LARGE and get meaningful stuff done.

Which one of these do you struggle with, or are you a super-achiever and struggle with both?

Rise Up!

If stress is mitigated by finding a life of meaning, where do we discover it? Look inside.

Years ago I had some exposure to a wonderful tool called the Enneagram. Something inside me sang when I studied it. I thought it was comprehensive, complicated and intriguing. I wanted to learn more. I had this hunch that this might make a difference for people in recovery. My friend Jean and I even took a summer road trip to study with some folks who are well-respected in the field. We pursued more education, made some great friends and kept talking and learning and studying.

I got some emails about this suggesting that this was a tool of the devil and I was a bad pastor for talking about it. Some people complained about me talking about it too much - guilty as charged. They were right. The negative feedback stirred my insecurity about what I was learning and why I thought it was valuable. It reminded me of those conversations decades ago when some people through the 12-Steps were terrible and others through the 12-Steps were great but I was not equipped to understand them. This feedback did not bother me twenty years ago, but because I was already flirting with a nervous breakdown, the feedback on the Enneagram stung.

I began asking myself a question every evening as a spiritual discipline: So what? So what if I talk about it more than I should? So what if someone confuses a drawing of the Enneagram with the symbol of a Pentagram? So what?

This was a good growth question for me and it has changed my life.

The answer is this: I am a human being. I have the right to be a goofball. I have the right to get super enthusiastic about a subject that interests me. It is ok if someone does not agree or misunderstands. If they are curious, I have an opportunity to explain, if they are not, I really do not need the hassle of trying to explain to a person whose objective is to criticize. And the biggest "so what" of all...So what if no one else sees its potential, I see it and it is calling to me for further exploration.

Here's the most beautiful thing I discovered. While I lay on the floor in a puddle of defeat, I asked myself - what are you willing to sit up for? (Walking was too hard.) I am willing to sit up to hug my grandchildren and love my children and husband. What are you still interested in? I am still interested in loving others. How will you find the strength to do that if you can barely sit up? I do not know.

But one thing I did know: I could no longer get my cues from outside myself. I needed to dig in and dig deep. Who do I want to be when I grow up? This question was one I was willing, even eager, to explore. One of the topics that I was willing to explore was the Enneagram.

If you are smacked down, what is something you are willing to rise up for? Stay tuned.