Rise Up!

If stress is mitigated by finding a life of meaning, where do we discover it? Look inside.

Years ago I had some exposure to a wonderful tool called the Enneagram. Something inside me sang when I studied it. I thought it was comprehensive, complicated and intriguing. I wanted to learn more. I had this hunch that this might make a difference for people in recovery. My friend Jean and I even took a summer road trip to study with some folks who are well-respected in the field. We pursued more education, made some great friends and kept talking and learning and studying.

I got some emails about this suggesting that this was a tool of the devil and I was a bad pastor for talking about it. Some people complained about me talking about it too much - guilty as charged. They were right. The negative feedback stirred my insecurity about what I was learning and why I thought it was valuable. It reminded me of those conversations decades ago when some people through the 12-Steps were terrible and others through the 12-Steps were great but I was not equipped to understand them. This feedback did not bother me twenty years ago, but because I was already flirting with a nervous breakdown, the feedback on the Enneagram stung.

I began asking myself a question every evening as a spiritual discipline: So what? So what if I talk about it more than I should? So what if someone confuses a drawing of the Enneagram with the symbol of a Pentagram? So what?

This was a good growth question for me and it has changed my life.

The answer is this: I am a human being. I have the right to be a goofball. I have the right to get super enthusiastic about a subject that interests me. It is ok if someone does not agree or misunderstands. If they are curious, I have an opportunity to explain, if they are not, I really do not need the hassle of trying to explain to a person whose objective is to criticize. And the biggest "so what" of all...So what if no one else sees its potential, I see it and it is calling to me for further exploration.

Here's the most beautiful thing I discovered. While I lay on the floor in a puddle of defeat, I asked myself - what are you willing to sit up for? (Walking was too hard.) I am willing to sit up to hug my grandchildren and love my children and husband. What are you still interested in? I am still interested in loving others. How will you find the strength to do that if you can barely sit up? I do not know.

But one thing I did know: I could no longer get my cues from outside myself. I needed to dig in and dig deep. Who do I want to be when I grow up? This question was one I was willing, even eager, to explore. One of the topics that I was willing to explore was the Enneagram.

If you are smacked down, what is something you are willing to rise up for? Stay tuned.