Moving Beyond What You Want...

Virtually all spiritual traditions have created meditation practices. Often touted as a relaxation technique, in a world that desperately needs some calm, if it works for you - go for it!

But isn’t spirituality and recovery more about waking up?

What if prayer and meditation could do both? What if it could help us move beyond our preoccupations with what we want - our habitual ways of self-soothing? What if we could find what we need? What if we could become more fully human? More compassionate, accepting, forgiving and purposeful?

When I grow forgetful of the benefits prayer and meditation has gifted me over the years, it does not take long for me to receive much needed reminders. They don’t show up as texts or emails, they bubble up in sleepless nights, anxiety, irritability and hopelessness.

I often wonder what my mental health would be like if I had not once been, to quote Wallace, “ORDERED to pray”.

So then, let us ot be like others, who are asleep, but let us be awake and sober.

1 Thessalonians 5:6 NIV

I have no authority to order anybody to do anything. But I invite you to join me in silent meditation and breathe. Here is a prayer I find myself using on days when life feels too hard and I want to avoid uncomfortable feelings. It’s a breath prayer:

Inhale slowly and steadily as you say, “God, I am made in your image.”

Exhale slowly and steadily as you say, “God, I am able to feel pain without perishing.”

OR

Inhale slowly and steadily as you say, “God, do not leave me.”

Exhale slowly and steadily as you say, “God, I will show up for my life, trusting you are here.”

OR

Inhale slowly and steadily as you say, “God, you know every hair on my head.”

Exhale slowly and steadily as you say, “God, I can pay attention to my life knowing you are with me and nothing is hidden from you.”

Let us pray.

New Ways of Being and Doing

Recovery and spirituality have so much common ground - both are about leaning in to a new way of living. We only need to worry about amends if we want to live a life that makes room for the possibility of forgiveness, integrity, and courage. This inevitably includes dealing with issues of forgiveness - people forgiving me and me forgiving people who have harmed me. Over and over again we harm one another. Over and over again we are given the opportunity to make a wrong right. This is part of being human, and it is hard.

In the amazing book The Gift of Imperfection, authors Ernest Kurtz and Katherine Ketcham write:

In his book Is Human Forgiveness Possible?, theologian John Patton examines the New Testament story in which Peter asks Jesus of Nazareth, “Lord, when my brother wrongs me, how often must I forgive him? Seven times?” And Jesus answers: “No, not seven times; I say seventy times seven times.” (Matthew 18:21-22) Patton comments: Peter’s question seems to say, “Please give me a rule so I don’t have to keep dealing with this. How can I know when enough is enough? I want to know what to do instead of having to come to terms with the whole history of our relationship.” Jesus’ response to the question says in effect, “I am unwilling to give you a way out of a continuing relationship with your brother.”

As challenging as previous steps have been this one really gets to me because so often I want a way to avoid doing the next right thing when it comes to broken relationships. I want permission to find a way out of continuing to wrestle with the complicated and difficult nature of relationships where we harm one another over and over and over again. Even when we try our best to behave. Recovery and our faith say to us: I am unwilling to give you a way out because I have provided you a way through. Come on! Let’s keep going! Who do you want to be? That’s the question.

Tolerating Tragedy

Get caught up here.

Element of acceptance #2:  The willingness to tolerate tragedy (in both a global and personal sense) without trying to pinpoint its source

Once we got the news about Brittany’s health, we had basically two options: try to adopt, or accept life as non-parents.  We knew there was a good chance we would not be able to fundraise the money for adoption and, if that happened, we would have to orient ourselves to a completely different vision of our future together.  We did not want to live as a childless couple. But, we understood, life does not often give you what you want.

As people of faith, there are complicated questions that arise as a result of being confronted with that painful reality:  Does God love me? Does God care how I experience my own life? Does God truly provide for his people? Why is this happening?

Now, the temptation in hindsight is to say, “Of course he does!  Look how he provided for you and made you parents!” Yes, he did, that is true.  However, it is also true that there are plenty of people in this world who love God, and want to become parents, who do not become parents.  Do we think God does not love them and did not provide for them?

I personally do not believe that.  I believe God’s love for us is steadfast and present regardless of whether or not Brittany and I became parents.  It is not easy for me to believe that. It is not some kind of unwavering confidence. It is shaky and filled with doubt.  Yet, this is my attempt to tolerate tragedy without pinpointing its source. What I mean is, I’m intentionally trying not to try to figure out why this happened.  

More on this tomorrow.

A Simpler Approach to Spirituality

I’m going to close with a simpler way to process your spirituality if looking at all the individual puzzle pieces (as we’ve done the past few days) isn’t all that interesting to you.  

What constitutes a good day?  Do you ever ask yourself that question?  What do you need to do today, that you can (in reality) do, that would contribute to experiencing a meaningful day?  

It tends to be that we’re so bogged down trying to get done the things that need to be done that we don’t think about building meaning into our day.  Or, we don’t consider what it would take in order to create space to create meaning in our day.  

Of course, building meaning into our day such that we spiritually flourish requires a little bit of planning.  But it’s not just about planning- it’s about intentionality.  Intentionality is at the heart of a flourishing spiritual life.  

Are you living as you intend to be living?  

Spend some time with that question.  It’s not an easy one to answer.  And, the answer will always be a little bit yes and a little bit no.  

Life will be more spiritually enriching if we’re living as we intend to be living.  This means we regularly evaluate how we’re living and intentionally seek to adjust the areas where things aren’t going well.  This process allows our lives to become more full, more spiritually enriching, in part because we confidently know that we're approaching our lives wholeheartedly.  That requires courage.    

If we’re living intentional lives then we will experience ourselves as being more whole, or unified, persons because there will be, over time, fewer discrepancies between our desires and our actions.  There will be less hypocrisy, less internal tension, and the joy that comes from knowing we’re doing the best we can.  

Every Moment Holy

Every moment is holy.  Or, perhaps, every moment has the capacity to be holy.  Holiness is about distinctiveness, it’s about being “set apart.”  God called Israel, in the Old Testament, to be His people, meaning, they were to live with by a unique set of values that pointed others towards God.  

We lose track of individual moments quickly.  They pass us by while we’re looking elsewhere.  But each individual moment grants us the opportunity to be kinder, gentler, more patient, more gracious, more attentive versions of ourselves.  The world is not a gentle place so even a small, seemingly insignificant display of compassion can dramatically impact another person’s day, or life.  

Perhaps we miss these small, significant opportunities to fulfill the call to be a people “set apart” while we anticipate grander opportunities to put our goodness on display.  Or perhaps we (wrongly) assume we have no goodness to display, and give up the fight.  Whatever the case may be, focus on the smallest possible way in which you can exercise your distinctiveness.  

If we can “focus small” then we will be far less likely to miss grander opportunities.