New Ways of Being and Doing

Recovery and spirituality have so much common ground - both are about leaning in to a new way of living. We only need to worry about amends if we want to live a life that makes room for the possibility of forgiveness, integrity, and courage. This inevitably includes dealing with issues of forgiveness - people forgiving me and me forgiving people who have harmed me. Over and over again we harm one another. Over and over again we are given the opportunity to make a wrong right. This is part of being human, and it is hard.

In the amazing book The Gift of Imperfection, authors Ernest Kurtz and Katherine Ketcham write:

In his book Is Human Forgiveness Possible?, theologian John Patton examines the New Testament story in which Peter asks Jesus of Nazareth, “Lord, when my brother wrongs me, how often must I forgive him? Seven times?” And Jesus answers: “No, not seven times; I say seventy times seven times.” (Matthew 18:21-22) Patton comments: Peter’s question seems to say, “Please give me a rule so I don’t have to keep dealing with this. How can I know when enough is enough? I want to know what to do instead of having to come to terms with the whole history of our relationship.” Jesus’ response to the question says in effect, “I am unwilling to give you a way out of a continuing relationship with your brother.”

As challenging as previous steps have been this one really gets to me because so often I want a way to avoid doing the next right thing when it comes to broken relationships. I want permission to find a way out of continuing to wrestle with the complicated and difficult nature of relationships where we harm one another over and over and over again. Even when we try our best to behave. Recovery and our faith say to us: I am unwilling to give you a way out because I have provided you a way through. Come on! Let’s keep going! Who do you want to be? That’s the question.