Accepting Acceptance

For a month’s worth of posts, I (Scott) am critiquing my own past blog posts. I’m viewing this as an experiment in being willing to admit when I’m wrong, change my mind, and to do so publicly.

I suppose the most pressing question we have after the first 15 days is:  How do we stop trying to regain control in such destructive ways?

I am, obviously, not an expert.  I can only pass on some things I've been taught but haven't yet learned.  

The first step is always going to be finding ways to process and accept the various challenges life throws our way.  When we set things to the side and assume that time heals all wounds we will only find that time numbs pain, but it doesn't truly heal.  

Consequently, we need a support system for difficult times.  We need a support system that consists of multiple people.  For me and Brittany, the past two years have shown us that we need more support than we can find solely in the context of our marriage.  It's too much pressure on one person to be the sole source of support for another person.  Humans are not meant to function that way and, if they do, they are severely isolated.  We may convince ourselves we're not isolating because we have our spouse, or that best friend, or whoever, but we need more than that.  

If the wounds are large enough and deep enough we may need a skilled therapist.  If our wounds are spiritual in nature we may need to dialogue with (safe) pastor, priest, bishop, or whoever.  Sometimes friends and community are enough and sometimes we need specialists.  The point is, an isolated existence will not support our efforts to release control.  

Scott with grey hair’s (2021 Scott) critique of Scott without grey hair: 

I don’t think I talked enough about acceptance. Acceptance is such a key part of life. Let’s be clear- acceptance does not mean learning to enjoy, or even appreciate, hardship- it means learning to live with it. Learning to tolerate it. Learning to live with the fact that there are things that happen to us that we wish didn’t happen but that we also cannot change. 

What is it you struggle to accept? Do you think you could learn to tolerate it?

Embracing Powerlessness

For a month’s worth of posts, I (Scott) am critiquing my own past blog posts. I’m viewing this as an experiment in being willing to admit when I’m wrong, change my mind, and to do so publicly.

There are things in life that we can't control and that we're not happy about.  We have neither the permission to influence these circumstances nor the capacity to do so.  We do not need to judge our initial reaction to these circumstances.  Our reaction is whatever our reaction is and that is acceptable.  But, at the same time, it's important to know when things are far enough outside of our control that there is nothing we can do about it.  

Granted, we will struggle (that is, in the moment) to recognize an encounter with powerlessness unless we're already accustomed to living in reality.  We resist seeing powerlessness for what it is because it confirms one of our deepest fears:  We can't prevent unpleasant things from happening.  Our bodies will go to great lengths in order to protect us from this uncomfortable truth.  Denial is one example of this.  

New Scott v. Old Scott:

You all are probably tired of hearing my new-to-me take on denial. I now believe that denial is the perfectly natural byproduct of being confronted or challenged over something that is somewhat sensitive. 

That said- I largely agree with this post. It is definitely uncomfortable to have unwanted things happen to us in life. There is no “good” way to avoid unpleasant events and unpleasant reactions to events. However, it is helpful for us to be aware that unpleasant events cause chain reactions of feelings and behavior- and we can learn how to better tolerate these reactions and, then, choose responses that are more in-line with who we want to be.