Being Responsible..

"Being responsible sometimes means pissing people off."

Colin Powell

My powerful friends who are brave and strong and run toward danger are sometimes so focused on making progress that they are remiss in communicating their vulnerabilities. They feel strong, they are strong. But even the mightiest among us sometimes needs a good nap and maybe an ice cream cone.

We all have problems and it is not only ok, it is good to acknowledge them. When we don't, we might give the false impression that others are weak in comparison.

Could this be you? What small changes could you make to express your vulnerability to your trusted peeps?

Day 12: The Journey of the Magi

After Jesus was born in Bethlehem in the territory of Judea during the rule of King Herod, magi came from the east to Jerusalem. They asked, “Where is the newborn king of the Jews? We’ve seen his star in the east, and we’ve come to honor him.”

When King Herod heard this, he was troubled, and everyone in Jerusalem was troubled with him. He gathered all the chief priests and the legal experts and asked them where the Christ was to be born. They said, “In Bethlehem of Judea, for this is what the prophet wrote:

You, Bethlehem, land of Judah,

by no means are you least among the rulers of Judah,

because from you will come one who governs,

who will shepherd my people Israel.”

Then Herod secretly called for the magi and found out from them the time when the star had first appeared. He sent them to Bethlehem, saying, “Go and search carefully for the child. When you’ve found him, report to me so that I too may go and honor him.” When they heard the king, they went; and look, the star they had seen in the east went ahead of them until it stood over the place where the child was. When they saw the star, they were filled with joy. They entered the house and saw the child with Mary his mother. Falling to their knees, they honored him. Then they opened their treasure chests and presented him with gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh. Because they were warned in a dream not to return to Herod, they went back to their own country by another route.

Matthew 2:1-12 CEB

Herod had no intentions of honoring the newborn king. Kings don’t like competition! King Herod was troubled, as was everyone in Jerusalem. The magi were not troubled, although they went to a lot of trouble to travel and honor the newborn. They brought gifts too.

I find this remarkable. The story says these magi were from another country – and yet they travel far to pay homage to one who is not their own. I imagine these magi made a series of life choices to arrive at a place in life where they could empty themselves for the purpose of showing up and bringing gifts to a child.

Who is the most vulnerable and weakest friend, acquaintance or enemy you know? How might you extend yourself in a way that offers them a gift? Maybe they are not a person who is someone you feel safe around - can you pray from afar? Can you love, expecting nothing in return? It’s ok if the answer is no, because God’s love is not dependent on your behavior or even your attitude. But it might be something to think about as you move toward a new year with perhaps new desires and goals for your life.

Day 12: The Journey of the Magi

After Jesus was born in Bethlehem in the territory of Judea during the rule of King Herod, magi came from the east to Jerusalem. They asked, “Where is the newborn king of the Jews? We’ve seen his star in the east, and we’ve come to honor him.”

When King Herod heard this, he was troubled, and everyone in Jerusalem was troubled with him. He gathered all the chief priests and the legal experts and asked them where the Christ was to be born. They said, “In Bethlehem of Judea, for this is what the prophet wrote:

You, Bethlehem, land of Judah,

by no means are you least among the rulers of Judah,

because from you will come one who governs,

who will shepherd my people Israel.”

Then Herod secretly called for the magi and found out from them the time when the star had first appeared. He sent them to Bethlehem, saying, “Go and search carefully for the child. When you’ve found him, report to me so that I too may go and honor him.” When they heard the king, they went; and look, the star they had seen in the east went ahead of them until it stood over the place where the child was. When they saw the star, they were filled with joy. They entered the house and saw the child with Mary his mother. Falling to their knees, they honored him. Then they opened their treasure chests and presented him with gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh. Because they were warned in a dream not to return to Herod, they went back to their own country by another route.

Matthew 2:1-12 CEB

Herod had no intentions of honoring the newborn king. Kings don’t like competition! King Herod was troubled, as was everyone in Jerusalem. The magi were not troubled, although they went to a lot of trouble to travel and honor the newborn. They brought gifts too.

I find this remarkable. The story says these magi were from another country – and yet they travel far to pay homage to one who is not their own. I imagine these magi made a series of life choices to arrive at a place in life where they could empty themselves for the purpose of showing up and bringing gifts to a child.

Who is the most vulnerable and weakest friend, acquaintance or enemy you know? How might you extend yourself in a way that offers them a gift? Maybe they are not a person who is someone you feel safe around - can you pray from afar? Can you love, expecting nothing in return? It’s ok if the answer is no, because God’s love is not dependent on your behavior or even your attitude. But it might be something to think about as you move toward a new year with perhaps new desires and goals for your life.

Approaching Problems with Positivity and Vulnerability

“If you can’t ask for help without self-judgment, you cannot offer help without judging others.”

Brene Brown

Yesterday we saw how Michelle bobbled her opening bid for connection and conversation. Here are some alternatives to how she might have approached Kevin.

Start with positive intentions, be vulnerable.

“Hey, I need to talk about something uncomfortable and I know you are not going to like it. But I want you to know that I am only having this conversation because I love you. I really care about you and I want to hear what you have to say.”

OR “I want to talk about a touchy subject, but also want to be clear about my intention here. I am not wanting us to DO anything or CHANGE anything or take any action. I just want to hear your perspective. That’s it. No judgment zone.”

Remember, there is, as my friend Denise said or quoted from someone else, “Only one chance to make a good first impression.” In our rush to avoid unpleasantness, we often try to jump over various key stages of change to rush to the conclusion. Big problems do not get solved quickly.

* Craft an opening paragraph that is positive and vulnerable for a problem you are wrestling with. It can be something you tell yourself, or something you need to share with someone else. Just don’t do it yet.

PS. All the blogs about mediation were inspired by a talk given by Denise Carl during a Family Education Meeting one Thursday evening, on August 27th. She referenced Robert Myers as the original source. Mistakes in interpreting Denise’s teaching are all mine. Hers was perfect.

What Can We Do Differently?

“Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they’re never weakness.”

Brene Brown

If shame feeds hiding, all manner of illnesses and unproductive conflict without meaningful solutions - what could we do differently? Recently a friend of mine was faced with a common but extremely stressful situation. She realized her husband had moved beyond social drinking into the territory of, “Holy cow, we’ve got a problem.”

This is how she handled it. She changed her life. Interesting, right? Her husband has A PROBLEM and she resists the urge to fix it. Or him. This is SO counter-intuitive. And I was so curious about her unique approach to loving him. As best I can, based on a series of interviews, I want to spend the next few days unpacking her process. But please do not mistake this unraveling of a thread in the mosaic of her life as a tutorial on treating substance use disorder. It is not that. It is, I hope and pray, a road map for spiritual renewal.

If you’d like to use this time to journal and process a problem you have, that would be awesome! Each day will have a prompt for your consideration - if you do not need a prompt, do not use it! In preparation, will you join me in prayer?

Lord, you are worthy to be praised with my every breath, loved with my entire soul, served with my every act. You love me, receive me, wash, clothe and support me. When I am sightless, deaf , unable to receive your joys and know your thoughts, you love me nonetheless. Your Spirit seeks me, renews me, gives me spiritual perception, opening me to your presence - light, guide, solace and delight. Your presence is a gift, not to be grabbed or earned; no lack on my part can rip me from your lovingkindness. Help me - help us - walk by your side, lean into your strength that together, we might be salt of the earth and a blessing to all.

Amen