Approaching Problems with Positivity and Vulnerability

“If you can’t ask for help without self-judgment, you cannot offer help without judging others.”

Brene Brown

Yesterday we saw how Michelle bobbled her opening bid for connection and conversation. Here are some alternatives to how she might have approached Kevin.

Start with positive intentions, be vulnerable.

“Hey, I need to talk about something uncomfortable and I know you are not going to like it. But I want you to know that I am only having this conversation because I love you. I really care about you and I want to hear what you have to say.”

OR “I want to talk about a touchy subject, but also want to be clear about my intention here. I am not wanting us to DO anything or CHANGE anything or take any action. I just want to hear your perspective. That’s it. No judgment zone.”

Remember, there is, as my friend Denise said or quoted from someone else, “Only one chance to make a good first impression.” In our rush to avoid unpleasantness, we often try to jump over various key stages of change to rush to the conclusion. Big problems do not get solved quickly.

* Craft an opening paragraph that is positive and vulnerable for a problem you are wrestling with. It can be something you tell yourself, or something you need to share with someone else. Just don’t do it yet.

PS. All the blogs about mediation were inspired by a talk given by Denise Carl during a Family Education Meeting one Thursday evening, on August 27th. She referenced Robert Myers as the original source. Mistakes in interpreting Denise’s teaching are all mine. Hers was perfect.