Day 20: Sacred Companionship

I have a secret.

If an alien from Mars popped down and observed Cookie Day – she might think Cookie Day is all about making cookies. This is not true. One of the yummy by-products of Cookie Day is dozens and dozens of cookies. We bring them to our NorthStar Christmas Brunch, we share them with our neighbors, we eat them with every holiday meal. (There was even one year, when the activities got so out of hand that I actually served them for dinner!)

But the real reason for Cookie Day is about gift giving (and I am not talking about cookies): the gift of dialogue. Years ago, Jean and I discovered that it was hard to not lose heart and grow weary and faint over the holiday season. Some years, the weight of expectation lay heavy across our maternal shoulders. (Finding the perfect Cabbage Patch Doll is one example.) Other Christmas holidays showed up during times of great suffering and loss, causing the sound of holiday jingles to fray our every last nerve. We learned that taking a day to make cookies was one way we could hit a pause button and remind each other of our sacred obligation to be a blessing to others.

“Dialogue involves shared inquiry designed to increase the awareness and understanding of all parties. In dialogue the intent is exploration, discovery and insight. In dialogue I attempt to share how I experience the world and seek to understand how you do so. In this process each participant touches and is touched by others. This results in each person’s being changed. In dialogue I meet you as a person, not an object.“

Sacred Companions, by David Benner, p.55

Yes, Cookie Day is about baking cookies. But more than anything, it is about sacred companionship. My prayer is that as you hustle about this holiday season, you will find the space in each activity to engage in dialogue. Dialogue even is possible on zoom, FYI.

Day 20: Sacred Companionship

I have a secret.

If an alien from Mars popped down and observed Cookie Day – she might think Cookie Day is all about making cookies. This is not true. One of the yummy by-products of Cookie Day is dozens and dozens of cookies. We bring them to our NorthStar Christmas Brunch, we share them with our neighbors, we eat them with every holiday meal. (There was even one year, when the activities got so out of hand that I actually served them for dinner!)

But the real reason for Cookie Day is about gift giving (and I am not talking about cookies): the gift of dialogue. Years ago, Jean and I discovered that it was hard to not lose heart and grow weary and faint over the holiday season. Some years, the weight of expectation lay heavy across our maternal shoulders. (Finding the perfect Cabbage Patch Doll is one example.) Other Christmas holidays showed up during times of great suffering and loss, causing the sound of holiday jingles to fray our every last nerve. We learned that taking a day to make cookies was one way we could hit a pause button and remind each other of our sacred obligation to be a blessing to others.

“Dialogue involves shared inquiry designed to increase the awareness and understanding of all parties. In dialogue the intent is exploration, discovery and insight. In dialogue I attempt to share how I experience the world and seek to understand how you do so. In this process each participant touches and is touched by others. This results in each person’s being changed. In dialogue I meet you as a person, not an object.“

Sacred Companions, by David Benner, p.55

Yes, Cookie Day is about baking cookies. But more than anything, it is about sacred companionship. My prayer is that as you hustle about this holiday season, you will find the space in each activity to engage in dialogue. Dialogue even is possible on zoom, FYI.

Day 21: Finding Joy in the Moment

Traditions often serve as sticky notes for our memories. One of my favorite traditions is when my friend Jean and I have our annual “cookie day”. Each year, early in December, we bake enough cookies to feed an army.

No one applauds our efforts. In fact, I can tell you that all our children (and both husbands) do not squeal with glee over all the cookies. These guys have the nerve to express preferences. Michael loves the cranberry with white chocolate. Scott grooves on the peanut butter topped with a chocolate kiss. Meredith and Carrie enjoy our efforts at healthy cooking – swearing that the ones with no sugar added, lots of zucchini and bananas are truly the best (which proves that our girls have interesting palates). All feel free to wonder aloud at some of our choices that they do not hesitate to give a thumbs down vote.

But here’s the secret to our success….we do not feel responsible for garnering the undying appreciation and unfettered approval of our families. We have a decades’ long tradition of cookie day…because it brings us joy! Every year brings a different kind of cookie day experience. A few years ago – a particularly difficult year of great loss – we cooked and cried. One year, we collectively celebrated a new baby in the clan and some marvelous spiritual breakthroughs. We felt festive, mostly. This year? We have not calendared it yet. We may be zooming our way through cookie day. Disappointing? Sure. But it will be one more memory Jean and I create and stuff in our memory chest of our shared life.

I suspect that many of us will adjust or even need to forego some of our long held traditions this year - if we are wise and do not want to create a super spreader event! Some of us will plow ahead and do exactly what we have always done and many who make this choice will be fine. But no matter where we end up in our decision making process, I pray that we will find joy. Joy in the moment. Acceptance of what is today, and hope for tomorrow.

We survive our crying Christmases by remembering the ones where we laughed with delight. Our joyous festivities are gratitude-filled when we remember the years when we brought our sorrow to the family gathering. This is how life works. Don’t give up on tradition - even if you have to find a work around!!

Day 21: Finding Joy in the Moment

Traditions often serve as sticky notes for our memories. One of my favorite traditions is when my friend Jean and I have our annual “cookie day”. Each year, early in December, we bake enough cookies to feed an army.

No one applauds our efforts. In fact, I can tell you that all our children (and both husbands) do not squeal with glee over all the cookies. These guys have the nerve to express preferences. Michael loves the cranberry with white chocolate. Scott grooves on the peanut butter topped with a chocolate kiss. Meredith and Carrie enjoy our efforts at healthy cooking – swearing that the ones with no sugar added, lots of zucchini and bananas are truly the best (which proves that our girls have interesting palates). All feel free to wonder aloud at some of our choices that they do not hesitate to give a thumbs down vote.

But here’s the secret to our success….we do not feel responsible for garnering the undying appreciation and unfettered approval of our families. We have a decades’ long tradition of cookie day…because it brings us joy! Every year brings a different kind of cookie day experience. A few years ago – a particularly difficult year of great loss – we cooked and cried. One year, we collectively celebrated a new baby in the clan and some marvelous spiritual breakthroughs. We felt festive, mostly. This year? We have not calendared it yet. We may be zooming our way through cookie day. Disappointing? Sure. But it will be one more memory Jean and I create and stuff in our memory chest of our shared life.

I suspect that many of us will adjust or even need to forego some of our long held traditions this year - if we are wise and do not want to create a super spreader event! Some of us will plow ahead and do exactly what we have always done and many who make this choice will be fine. But no matter where we end up in our decision making process, I pray that we will find joy. Joy in the moment. Acceptance of what is today, and hope for tomorrow.

We survive our crying Christmases by remembering the ones where we laughed with delight. Our joyous festivities are gratitude-filled when we remember the years when we brought our sorrow to the family gathering. This is how life works. Don’t give up on tradition - even if you have to find a work around!!

Day 22: Very Human

“The goal of the Christian spiritual journey is not to become less human and more divine; it is to become more fully human. Salvation is not to rescue us from our humanity; it is to redeem our humanity.”

Sacred Companions, David Benner, p.35

What if…we were willing to embrace our humanity while working out our spirituality within the context of our very human selves? Would that change how we view self and others, even God?

The purpose of salvation is to restore to wholeness that which is broken.

Creatures break stuff. God heals broken people.

If the goal of life is to avoid breaking things, then life is hopeless. But if broken things can be healed, repaired, restored, renewed and transformed….then, let the adventures begin!

Do you respond to obvious signs of the human condition as if being human is offensive? Think about this. Sit with the question. See where it leads you. We are approximately halfway through our Advent season.

Breathe.