Trust your friends when your vision is clouded

Self-pity is a strong emotion that colors our perspective. Here’s a great question to ask during a self-pity party, “What if I’m wrong?” Pair it with an intentional attentiveness to ways God has shown up for you. Did he woo you with a beautiful sunrise when you woke up early and anxious? Was the night sky littered with a big moon or twinkling stars while you tossed restlessly in your boudoir? My son Scott likes to say that we tend to find what we go looking for. Think about that!

I’d suggest grabbing your bible and reading Luke 1:46-55. This is the song of praise Mary sang as she considered her unwed teenage mother status. This was preceded by Elizabeth’s reframe of Mary’s condition. Recall with me that Elizabeth had said this to visiting Mary,

“Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb. Why am I so blessed that the mother of my Lord should come to me? Mary, when I heard your voice, the baby in my womb leaped for joy.” (Luke 1:42)

Three things about this story help me reframe my own life experience. Thing one: the encouragement of one person can totally alter the way we experience our life circumstances.

Thing two: If you are freaked out, find a friend who has taught you that they have the capacity to see God reflected in you. They can remind you of things about you that perhaps you have forgotten. They may have a vision for hope that you cannot see with your head bowed low and your shoulders slumped with the weight of the world resting on them.

Thing three: There is a good possibility that you are not only in need of an Elizabeth but are charged with the responsibility of BEING an Elizabeth in the life of someone else. So prepare. Maintain your conscious contact with the God of your understanding. Your facial expression; your words; your small acts of kindness; these things may radically renew the spirit of someone who is worse shape than you. And that in and of itself is a beautiful thing.

Trash talk the voices that tell you lies

When caught up in the trap of self-pity, it is a common and normal reaction to look around and feel as if we have no support. Mary found support in Elizabeth, but let’s face it, I bet she was lonely too. I’ve felt this way before but I’m a stubborn woman and I refuse to believe that God would leave me without support! So. On days when self-pity wants to write my story, I trash talk it. For whatever reason, I often find the temptation to become depressed is heightened around times of expected joy. Times like the holidays, or right before or after a spiritual experience. As we wait for the birthday of Jesus, I will take a couple of days to share some of my own trash talking ways, just in case you might need it this holy holiday season.

When it FEELS like I am alone and lacking support...I have learned to ask the following:

Is it that I have no support, or that I am demanding support show up in a particular person? I know, I know. I understand. This is a tough sell. Our expectations often seem so reasonable to us! But who is to say that they are as clear cut as they seem? Of course, we can get many people to agree with us about how our parents, spouses, children, friends, etc. SHOULD treat us, and I always like it when I can gather a team to support my personal outrage and self-pity. But is that the better way for me to live a flourishing life? That is the question. Let me suggest an alternative viewpoint.

Recently I babysat my grandson for the day. I thought to myself, “If my mom was here, I’d call her and Facetime with her. She would give me all sorts of advice. She would comment on what Christian was wearing. She would probably tell me my hair was too short.” It is true, mom isn’t here to take my daily calls. But there are people who would be happy to hear from me or receive a picture from a doting Meme. I reached out to a couple of them instead and am most grateful for their receptivity to a grandmother’s joy.

I miss my mom, which is more a sign that I loved and was loved well in that relationship than it is a license to feel sorry for myself. I’m working hard to not confuse those competing thoughts.

What can you do differently if you are feeling the blues? Who can you reach out to? And, if they cannot reach back, who is the NEXT person you can reach out to?

Faith helps us respond to the unexpected

While barren, elderly Elizabeth turned up pregnant, young virgin Mary was getting a visit from the angel Gabriel. He told her that she had found favor with God and reminded her, as he had Zechariah to, “Fear not.” Then he broke the news: Mary, you’re going to conceive a son. Not just any son, but a son who would rescue his people.

Mary believed him; no cone of silence was needed.

However, the assignment was not all glitter and gold.

Mary was engaged to Joseph, and getting pregnant was quite the scandal. Eventually they needed to flee in order to avoid the wrath of Herod.

Here’s the thing about knowing and doing the will of God.

It doesn’t come with an invisibility cloak or a light saber. The called don’t receive a detailed set of instructions or an immunity card from suffering. Mary was very confused about all this, how could she, a virgin, end up pregnant?

Mary was given a gift to assist her in standing strong during this tumultuous and privileged journey. She traveled to see old, barren Elizabeth. Six months pregnant herself, Elizabeth served as another sign that God is in the business of miracles.

And Mary accepted the situation, saying to Gabriel, “May it be done to me as you have said.”

That’s a beautiful prayer, is it not?

How can we, today, agree with Mary? What habits would we form? What decisions would we make? What uncertainty would we be willing to live with? What sacrifices would we be willing to endure?

Humble beginnings inspire a humble life

As most of you know, I’m like velcro when it comes to soaking up life stories. Recently, I listened in as a husband and wife lamented their daughter’s substance use disorder and recounted all the ways her life was ruined as a result of her addiction. They talked about her enforced withdrawal from grad school; the missed opportunities; the loss of future earning potential; the shame. They lamented the totalled BMW that had been her gift for graduating from college. They complained about the awkward conversations at work and the local club where dad played competitive golf and mom was an avid tennis player. Let’s be honest; all parents go through this - a child with an SUD is a terrible suffering. They just happened to be doing it within the culture of high expectations and wealth. This was one of those listening moments for me, no conversation needed. But here’s what i would have liked to say, if the opportunity had presented itself.

I know in this culture, we believe that success and all its accessories are super important. But God chose to plant Jesus in a family of simple, “blue-collar” people. They lived in a village that would have been considered far below middle class. This is the community God picked for the son of God, son of man to come of age. Maybe if this is good enough for God’s boy, it might be a good idea rethink our core value of success at all costs.

I sent one of my kids an article this week about the joys of the uninspired life. The writer talked about having small but profound aspirations in life. And she dared to suggest that this was an abundant way to live. Less pressure. No frills but also little to maintain. My child asked me, “Why exactly did you send me this?” I think my kid sensed some hidden message of lowered expectations. Maybe felt a little defensive?

But my point was this. In a world that is all the time telling you what you must acquire and accomplish in order to be successful, I wanted to highlight one lone voice in the wilderness that cried for a different worldview.

From the conception of Jesus onward, God calls us to a different worldview. And it changes everything. What worldview are you living by?

When it comes to Jesus, no one knows what to expect

While Rome was ruling from afar with the able and ruthless assistance of Herod, there were Priests in the land doing what Priests do. Zechariah was a Priest descendant of Moses’ brother Aaron. His wife Elizabeth was also from that lineage.

Zechariah’s job responsibilities included serving in the temple a couple weeks out of the year. One assignment included burning incense to God. This happened once in a lifetime; it was the Priest’s equivalent of winning an Oscar. It was the big prize. His honor soon turned into an EVENT. An angel, Gabriel to be specific, greeted him when Zechariah entered the temple.

It totally terrified him. Angels are supposed to stay in heaven after all! As angels usually do when encountering a human, Gabriel sought to reassure Zechariah, “Don’t be afraid!”

I don’t know why we humans are always terrified of spiritual encounters, but we are. In this case, Gabriel was here in answer to a prayer of Zechariah, but which one? The angel did not keep him waiting, explaining that Elizabeth’s barren state would soon be no more. A boy child, to be named John according to Gabriel, was going to be born to he and Elizabeth.

Now this is good news, but almost too good for aged Zechariah to accept. This wasn’t going to be just any little boy either - this one was going to be special. A messenger himself. Who can judge Zechariah for being a bit skeptical? He was. And he wanted proof. How often have you been given the gift of good news, a realized dream, a hope for the future….only to self-sabotage or refuse to believe in the possibility of change?

This doubt and demand for proof did not suit the angel; he put Zechariah in a proverbial cone of silence until the birth of John as a consequence of his reaction. Notice that this did not change the good news itself, it just altered the way Zechariah was able to participate in it. Silence can be an amazing gift; it brings clarity where clanging thoughts can often only increase confusion. After Zechariah’s enforced silence, his post-baby conversations were rich and filled with assurance of both salvation and the special place his son would play in the years ahead. These were not easy times. Herod was acting up (more on that later) and the world felt as unsettled as it always does. But Zechariah had a fresh perspective. He saw a bigger picture.

I pray that we can all find some sounds of silence this holiday season; don’t we all need some fresh perspective?