Sometimes we slide into unconscious living

As patterns become deeply ingrained and rewarded with little shots of dopamine, we lose consciousness of them. It makes identifying them a challenge. Two examples of patterns:

I have a pattern of shutting my feelings down. I feel ashamed. I feel uncomfortable. I feel uncomfortable about being uncomfortable so I distract myself by going on a diet (food restriction) or doubling up on my exercise (calorie burning) BECAUSE THIS IS MY PATTERN.

One of my brothers had a pattern of getting a really great job with a decent salary. When he had money he could buy drugs. When he used drugs he eventually lost his good job. This made him feel ashamed but he also learned to shut down his feelings. He shut down his feelings by using drugs. He eventually gave up this pattern, which is awesome.

In recovery, we work our Fourth Step and discover that our patterns, practiced until they become compulsions, give us all sorts of material for a Fourth Step list: resentments, fears, shortcomings, and more.

Both my brother and I learned that we could not identify our own particular pattern until after our Fourth and Fifth Step experiences. But AFTER we identified our pattern, we were better equipped to understand our reactions and develop new skills to support new, healthier, pro-recovery responses to life.