If you're going to confess, make it legit

Suppose my husband comes home from work and as he walks through the door I yell, “Hey! You know I love you AND I am really sorry for what I did!”

My husband is going to wonder - What exactly did she do?

He might flashback to the time I ran over one of our cats (she survived) and wonder if I repeated that horrible mistake. He might wonder if I went window shopping and “accidentally” bought a new sofa (these things happen). If he is the suspicious type or if I am a wife who has taught him to distrust me, he might wonder if I am confessing to an affair.

He is NOT going to accept my blanket apology, nor should he. My generalized, haphazard admission of wrongdoing is inadequate. These kinds of “sorries” are nothing but trouble. His imagination may be bigger than my offense. Even if he is an absolute sucker, or just too tired to think and nods and says, “Fine.” Is that helpful? No, because the imprecise nature of the confession does not relieve me of the burden of knowing and admitting the exact nature of my wrong.

It is honest to admit that I have made a mistake. Naming the exact nature of what I did wrong gets closer to the truth. This required specificity is for our own healing.

Spend some time thinking about when you have tried to skate by with honesty without doing the hard work of telling the truth. Unsatisfying, right?