What most people need is a good listening to

What most people need is a good listening to.

~ Mary Lou Casey

A friend of mine recently lamented, “I am so tired of trying.” Can you relate? Some relationships are H.A.R.D.

But in observing my friend, I wondered: What has she tried? I have heard her complain, lament, express frustration, demand change, manipulate and cajole. But what actions has she taken that match the desires of her heart? Sometimes we get stuck and do not know it. I recognize her stuck ways - for my ways are so very similar to hers. We need to TRY DIFFERENT THINGS, not just keep trying the same old thing repeatedly hoping for a miracle. Why do we keep doing this to ourselves? Why do we keep looking for new ways of being in the world? In the book, Listening Well by William R. Miller, I found my answer.

Beneath accurate empathy at a deeper level is
compassion as an intention and habit of the
heart. Compassion goes beyond mere interest
in or curiosity about others. It is a desire for and
commitment to their well-being. The more
you understand another’s suffering, the more you
long to light it. The more you listen deeply to others,
the more you sense how alike and interconnected
we are. Willingness to see through another’s eyes,
to suspend self-centeredness, to receive respectfully
what they have to offer, and to desire their well-being -
these are habits of mind and heart that underlie and
motivate empathic understanding.

~ William Miller, Listening Well, P. 13

CHALLENGE: When was the last time you were able to hold this idea of wishing another well in the midst of a dispute? If you cannot remember, think about a time when you were in a dispute and you forgot to desire their well-being as much as you desired your own well-being. How did you behave? What did you say? How might they have felt? What harm might have resulted?