An Introduction to Step 10
It is difficult to be a saint in the midst of one’s family.
Anatole France
I once worked on a team one time with a leader who was in long term recovery. He often popped his head into my office to make amends or ask, “Are we good?” I was young and foolish and pre-recovery so I chalked it up to being a touchy-feely kind of guy who was a tiny bit too sensitive.
Years later, with fresh eyes and a completely different perspective, I happened to run into him at a conference. Our career paths had diverged years ago but I had never gotten past my curiosity about his profound and rare commitment to keeping his side of the street squeaky clean. After the usual chit chat that comes with catching up on a decade of history, I asked, “Hey, I’m working a recovery program and it has given me a different way of seeing our previous working relationship. I’m curious. Did you make amends and check-ins part of your work life because you were in recovery or was that just your leadership style?”
He laughed and replied. “Definitely NOT my style. It was all about Step Ten. I never wanted to find myself in a position of having to ‘catch up’ with my inventory, sharing and amends making like I did with my first round of 12-step work!”
“So,” I inquired, “Is it the same today in your work environment?” Without hesitation he called over one of his colleagues, introduced us and said, “Hey, Jimmy, Teresa wants to know if I interrupt your work to make amends or ask, ‘Are we good?’ ”
Jimmy chuckled. “All the damn time. The guy is constantly checking in. I finally told him to bug off and that’s when he told me that this was part of his program. So I put up with it for his sake.” He winked and walked off. Clearly Jimmy was crazy about this boss with the program that regularly encouraged humility ESPECIALLY when you are the boss. Later in the evening, Jimmy and I compared notes. The boss makes amends about remarkably similar things with Jimmy as he did with me. He isn’t great with details and so his team needs to pay extra close attention. Sometimes important details slip through the cracks. He’s still a big dreamer but responds well to follow up questions and even the occasional reality check. In other words, the guy is only human but he makes it easy on his team by admitting to his foibles and caring about how his behavior affects others.
The beauty of Step Ten is that when we work it, life is more peaceful - for ourselves and those who love us. Does it require diligence? Yes. Is it sometimes uncomfortable? Sure. But it is helpful too. It cuts down on misunderstandings, resentments and all manner of problems that relationships endure whether or not we talk about them and take responsibility for our part in causing them!
