Step Eleven as as Challenge

The eleventh step says “as we understood him [God]”; it’s worth noting that we may need to increase our understanding of God. We may need to let go of abusive, manipulative or harming notions of God that were given to us at an early age.

I appreciate how the 11th step implicitly acknowledges that our limited understanding may impact our capacity for conscious contact. I try to keep that in mind for myself, opening myself up to the possibility that my understanding of God may need expanding or even correcting. I want, maybe even need, to offer you a challenge.

Where did your ideas about God come from? Were the source/s trustworthy? Knowledgeable? Informed? Healthy and well? Did they have their own unhealed wounds or misguided sources of information? Have you done your own investigation as to the nature of God?

When our pilot project recovery ministry began no one expected it to actually succeed. We didn’t ask - what if this works and people show up? We had no budget because who needs money for an 8 week pilot? But people came and stayed. At some point, I suppose in part because we were clear about the leadership of the community being Christian, people decided they wanted to get baptized. Another surprise. We asked a local church that we were affiliated with if we could use their baptismal to baptize a few folks after their normal church hours one Sunday. They agreed.

A few weeks later we trudged through the parking lot walking against the grain as worshippers streamed out in a mad dash to beat the Presbyterians to the best local brunches. Terri, a dear friend who was about to dip into those warm waters, stopped walking. “I can’t do this,” she said. “Why not? What’s wrong?” I asked. “I don’t belong here; I’m not good enough.” She replied. She was wrong. Dead wrong. She was my neighbor and friend and recovery ministry partner. She was an excellent mother, in long term recovery and possessed a heart that was pure gold walking around in a body that was adorned often with cowgirl boots and closely cropped purple hair - my favorite color. She knew how to be in long term recovery and work a spiritual program; she did not know how to go to church.

The distorted images of God foisted upon her by her traumatic past made a building with a steeple on top a riskier environment for her than the local pub. Drinking she knew how to avoid; the wrath of God was what she feared.