The Gift of Renewed Perspective

I go in and out with a daily examen practice; when I use it, I discover both small and sometimes large things about myself. I realize that the small things can make the biggest difference in my daily life satisfaction.

I often take a late afternoon break and go through the drive in of my local Starbucks. Each day I ask the server to “not give me one of those plastic green stoppers” as I am trying to do my small part to keep plastic from overwhelming the world. Every single time - I get the stopper! My sweet and kind baristas are unconsciously providing those stoppers and no matter how many times I ask to not use them, they shove them down into the top. In the beginning of my attempts to be a bit kinder to the universe, this irritated me.

I would not have noticed my growing habitual attachment to a side order of irritation with my latte unless I were practicing the daily examen. It kept showing up in my daily review - and I did not like what I saw. I don’t want to be the girl with the scowl on her face every time a kind, underpaid but overly solicitous person gives me a cup of hot steamy coffee that I did not have to make for myself. The daily examen gave me the gift of a renewed perspective, one that eventually taught me how to find these small exchanges delightful.

I started by trying to practice gratitude over this small, insignificant matter. It became my own inside joke. Ask for no stopper; get the stopper anyway. This is an indication of a well-trained staffer. These stoppers may add to plastic pollution, but they also decrease the chance that I will spill my cup of joe.

Several months in, and I asked for no stopper - and got no stopper! This delighted me too. It turns out that gratitude muscles can be strengthened. I moved from having an expectation to living out of my highest value priority - appreciating others.

What pattern are you noticing in your own life that does not fit your core values? If this is not obvious, maybe adding a daily examen will be a practice worth trying.

Examen Suggestions

Here are some suggested questions that might help you format your own daily examen practice. We need to use formats that we will actually use - so do what works for you. This checklist can be modified and used immediately to help us find areas for celebration and areas that we want to explore further with a sponsor, mentor or spiritual director. It can be customized to fit our particular shortcomings and strengths - both things we want to track. Finally, we make note of any actions we need to take the following day to make amends, make right a wrong, or adjust our approach.

Daily Checklist:

1. Did I lose my temper?

2. Did I remain patient in a difficult situation?

3. Was I selfish?

4. Was I unselfish?

5. Did I practice self-seeking behaviors?

6. Was I dishonest?

7. Did I practice honesty?

8. Did I tease, belittle, insult or diminish anyone?

9. Was I critical of myself or another person?

10. Did I affirm, validate, or uplift anyone?

11. Did I worry or over-react?

12. Did I pause and respond with calm in a challenging situation?

13. Was I disrespectful to myself or another person?

14. Did I treat myself or someone else with respect?

15. Did I blame anyone for my actions?

16. Did I accept personal responsibility without making excuses?

17. Did I indulge in self-pity?

18. Did I practice self-care (good nutrition, exercise, meditation, service work, meetings, etc.)?

19. Was I resentful?

20. Did I express gratitude?

21. Did I serve others?

22. How did I feel today?

23. When was I aware of conscious contact with God?

Again With the Inventory...

In Step Ten, we develop a habit of taking a regular inventory of our lives - daily. This is not a new idea. 400 years ago, give or take, St. Ignatius Loyola proffered a similar suggestion for a daily prayer practice that has become known as The Daily Examen. We use this prayer at the end of the day to review our day, find God’s gifts and reasons for gratitude, notice our emotions, and choose one aspect of our day to pray over. This is one way to complete a daily tenth step practice.

I often go to the drive through of my local Starbucks and grab an afternoon latte. Yum. Each day, I ask the server to “not give me one of those little plastic green stopper thingys” as I am trying to do my part to keep plastic from overwhelming the world. Every single time - I receive the unwanted stopper! My sweet and kind baristas are unconsciously in the habit of providing those stoppers and no matter how many times I ask, I still get one. At first, I was irritated by my thwarted attempts at being kinder to the universe. How hard can this be?!?

Early on I noticed in my daily examen how irritated and frustrated I became every time my “request” for no green stopper was ignored. (Part of paying attention to our emotions the Ignatia Prayer way is to ask God to show us some ways that our feelings are teaching us that we are falling short of our intentions.) I noticed my pattern of irritation and I did not like what I saw. What profit is it to save on using little green stopper thingys a couple times a week if I do it with a scowl on my face? The Daily Examen gave me the gift of a renewed perspective. Much like I practice my backhand so that I can play better tennis, practicing gratitude over this small, insignificant matter may build gratitude muscles that I need for bigger issues.

Today, as a result of my Examen, I find joy in the moment. It’s become a game of sorts, albeit a secret, solitary one. I have chosen to ask for something I never receive and find gratitude in the exchange. This is NOT me. Or at least, this is not me on my own, living independently of God. The issues I wrestled with in Step Four were so very painful; honestly, my issues have not changed drastically. What has changed is how I handle them; the speed with which I process them; the joy I feel in taking one small next right step without requiring an “ism” to get out of bed.