Realistic Hope Creates More Hope

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." How many of you have repeated this verse from Philippians 4:13 over and over again during a particularly grueling moment in your life? I have.

I remember when my mother-in-law, Marion, was in the hospital dealing with gall stones. Her mother was in a nursing home; Pete and I were the ones who got the call that Bessie had passed away. We scrambled to secure a babysitter and drove to St. Mary's Hospital to tell Marion of her mother's passing. We rode the weird escalator/moving sidewalk up the to elevator bank, dreading every minute of the ordeal. We strategized how to tell her. Maybe, Pete suggested, we should tell her that Gram (Bessie) is on the roof.

Have you heard the joke about the cat on the roof? Here goes...A man left his cat with his brother while he went on vacation for a week. When he returned, he called his brother to see when he could pick up the cat. The brother hesitated, then said, "I'm so sorry, but while you were away, the cat died." The man was very upset and yelled, "You know, you could have broken the news to me better than that. When I called, you could have said he was on the roof and wouldn't come down. Then when I called the next day, you could have said he had fallen off and the vet was patching him up. Then when I called the third day, you could have said he had passed away." The brother thought about it and apologized. "So how's Mom?" asked the man asked his brother. The Response? "She's on the roof and won't come down."

As we exited the elevator and headed to Marion's room, I muttered, "If we don't want to go with the cat on the roof bit, just remember: We can do all things through Christ who strengthens us." And we did. Whether it was Christ strengthening us or we simply managed to deliver sad news, who is to say. But we took care of what had to be taken care of that evening, and the days that followed.

I imagine that many of us have used this verse during moments of crisis. I'm not sure it should be pulled out of the Bible like a magic rabbit's foot. In fact, I think there is a more hopeful way to consider Paul's words, maybe with a bit more faith and less magical thinking.

In Brene Brown's latest book, Atlas of the Heart, she defines hope in a way that reminds me of what I have come to believe Paul was really getting at when he wrote the book of Philippians. Paul was not talking about having magical super powers to do super hard things because Christ gives all his disciples super powers (that would be confusing faithfulness with a Marvel comic character). My understanding is that what Paul was alluding to is that our belief in Jesus provides us with a different way of thinking and seeing - and that this perspective is hopeful.

Let me bottom line this: hope is a super power of faith, not steroid-induced strength to do hard things beyond a human's capacity. I find this exceedingly hopeful. Jesus is not equipping us to do EVERYTHING. He's not asking me to do SPECIAL THINGS. He's pointing a way for me to see as he sees, and live as one who loves as God loves.

Brene does what researchers do and breaks hope down for us in a way that not only makes sense in light of the scriptures, but provides us with a very practical way to apply the, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me," perspective of Paul.

On page 97 of her book, Brene says that hope is a way of thinking. And, emotions play a part, but it is far bigger than just rubbing a rabbit's foot and hoping God is not distracted when you need to do a hard thing. She reports that hope is: the ability to set realistic goals, the capacity to figure out how to achieve those goals and flexibility for altering the plan as necessary when obstacles arise. Finally, she says that we must have a belief in ourselves. Isn't this what Paul had? He believed he could do "all things" because he trusted that God would equip and strengthen him. He was not talking about leaping over a tall building. In fact, Paul made this statement within the context of thanking his friends for showing up and helping him during a time of duress.

Here's what you might want to consider:

1. What burdens and expectations have you been living under because you, like me, once misunderstood the context of Paul's words?

2. What realistic goals do you need to set today because you trust that God is with you, and for you?

3. Who could help you strategize about how to achieve those goals?

4. Who will support you and remind you to pivot, be flexible and keep working towards your goals?

5. How can you remind yourself, every day, that God believes in humans - and that this includes you?

Because God believes in the capacity of humans to be "enough," surely we are a people who can join him in this hopeful belief. Of course, adversity will be involved - because this is not a fairy tale. But the adversity and discomfort will also allow us to pivot and flex - which actually builds hope!

I cannot think of a more positive faith message right now than this one - hope is not fuzzy. Hope is not magical thinking. Hope is an inspired way of seeing that leads to concrete actions that reinforce God's trust in us. So let's get busy! I looked - there are no cats on the roof. We can choose hope today.

Hostile Faith Kills Faith

When I was a "youth," our church used to do this thing called Disciple Now weekend. The title doesn't do it justice. We looked forward to this all year. It was a weekend where all the youths were split up by age and gender and went to stay in a "host home" for the weekend. So, families in the church would volunteer to host the youth and they would be assigned a grade and gender. If you signed up to host, you might be given 6th grade boys or you might get 11th grade girls. The logistics don't matter. What matters is this: We got to have a weekend long sleepover with our friends in someone else's home.

Perhaps 20-odd years later, this scenario sounds strange or dangerous or creepy. I'm not here to comment on that. All I can say is, as a 14 year old, it was fun. Now, it wasn't all fun and games. At each home, you would also be paired up with a few "leaders." Sometimes these were other church members, sometimes they would bring back former members of the youth group who had gone off to college to play the role of mentors. These mentors would lead bible studies at scheduled times throughout the weekend and, in between sessions, you got to play and hang out.

But- if you were lucky- you got cool mentors who didn't want to do 25 bible studies in 2 days time so you would get to play a lot more. That's what we were always hoping for. It's nearly always what we got.

But that's not even it. There's more. They would bring in a special speaker to present on Friday night, Saturday morning, Saturday night, and Sunday morning. The sum total of all this was supposed to be: all the youth in the church become better Christians because they've been through bible study and worship boot camp. Like I said before, this event ended up being a lot more fun than it sounds. This is how the adults saw it. We're going to spiritually mature our kids.

Anyway. One year they brought in an extra extra special teacher. I have no idea who he is or where he came from. I wish I could remember his name because I would publish it here. I think his first name was Ronnie. We'll go with that.

Ronnie was some kind of celebrity Christian who toured around giving speeches and kissing babies. He was probably pretty used to being praised as a godly man and a speaker of truth. This phrase, "I speak the truth," has really evolved over the years, hasn't it? It used to mean: I speak words that are grounded in fact and reality. Now it just means you speak in a harsh tone of voice and belittle people all the while maintaining an heir of superiority.

Ronnie was an early example of this evolution. I'm not sure if he cared about truth- but he sure loved to upset people and seemed to equate ruffling feathers with being a prophet, priest, truth-teller, godly man, and so on and so on.

Ronnie spent the weekend telling children and young adults that they were personally responsible for the death of Jesus and that we were inherently unworthy of God's love. On the one hand, this wasn't our fault, we were born this way. On the other hand, it was our fault because we were all sinners of the highest order and we deserved to be sent to hell where we would experience, for eternity, flames hotter than the sun while worms and snakes crawled through our empty eye holes. The highlight of the weekend was a lengthy sermon about the biological realties of Christ's death, in a level of detail so inappropriately grotesque that Mel Gibson, The Road Warrior, himself might vomit...let alone a group of 12-year-old boys and girls.

Here's what I took away: I don't deserve love. I don't deserve love from people, certainly, but, even more so, I don't deserve love from God. Not only do I not deserve it, but it's impossible to get it. Not only that, but also, I don't deserve to live. That's what Ronnie taught me. I don't deserve love and I don't deserve to live.

Now, I know better today. This isn't the gospel message- it's a popular scare tactic that was invented in the late 19th century to get converts quickly and in large numbers. It's a parlor trick. That's not even me being mean- that's just a historical fact. I'm just telling the truth! (See how effective that is?)

The church for nearly 2000 years did not preach about hellfire and brimstone. It was invented as a marketing tactic during the age of big tent revivals on the frontier during Westward Expansion. Think about that- because this version of faith is still very present in the church in America today. (It's not particularly present in the rest of the world- so consider that as well. We're the only ones who went all in on this American horror story).

Ronnie wasn't a pastor, a preacher, a priest, or a truth-teller. He was an angry kid who aged a little and then grabbed a microphone. He was a middle school bully. Except I was the one in middle school and he was 40 years old.

I hate guessing, but if I had to guess, I would guess Ronnie is responsible for more de-conversions from Christianity than conversions. Why? Because he presented an utterly hopeless version of the gospel. He presented a vision of an angry and violent God who could not be pleased and who hated his own creation. Ronnie presented a vision for faithful life based solely on fear and anxiety. He presented a vision of God's creation as unlovable and unredeemable. There was no good news. The news was bad but, if you're lucky, you wouldn't get a worst-case-scenario. For Ronnie, the good news was that you might not get the worst news.

Regardless of what ole Ronnie is single-handedly responsible for, I know first-hand that, for many, this approach creates a loss of faith. And that brings us to a very important question: When we talk about faith, what are we trying to accomplish? Are we trying to put people off? Or, are we trying to help people find ever new ways of exploring and engaging their faith so that the world experiences more and more of God's love?

I suspect we all agree it's the latter. The shouting-screaming-waving-your-hands-and-kicking-your-feet approach simply does not accomplish our goal: to model a way of being that reflects God's values of forgiveness, grace, mercy, and love, to point people to the new reality God is creating where there will be no tears.

You may or may not agree with these ideas or my approach. In fact, I know that if we had more than a couple hundred readers I'd get more hate mail over this post than I would know what to do with. So let me take a step back from trying to get revenge for a second and say what I really want to say.

So many of you have quite likely been harmed by a version of the message Ronnie preached. You may live with a great deal of fear or anxiety or insecurity about your faith, how God views you, and how you should live. That, to me, is deeply sad. Here's Romans 5:1 from the Common English Bible:

Therefore, since we have been made righteous through his faithfulness, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ.

Faith can and should begin with confidence in our standing before God. In faith, we are at peace with God. For simplicity's sake, we'll define faith as being the combination of belief in God with the willingness to live a life in community with others who reflect God's love to the world around them. It does not require perfection. It does not require improvement. It simply requires us to continue walking the path and to see where it leads.

Even if we take perfection and goodness off the table, it's still a challenge to stay on this path that leads to reflecting God's love to the world around us. Being a decent human often feels like work. What we need, in my opinion, is encouragement. So often what we've received has been some combination of shame and hopelessness. What we need, in order to stick to the path, in order to see God's love spread and transform our world, is encouragement.

So I'll close with two questions:

1. How do you best experience encouragement? (Share this with people where you can so that they know what to offer you).

2. Where could you offer some encouragement?

To Love Someone, You Must Show Them Their Worth

Hey friends - we are doing a hard thing...changing! For almost 20 years

Teresa has written a daily blog post. Ten years ago Scott came onboard -

happy tenth anniversary Scott McBean - and we divvied up the duties. 365

posts is a lot of posts...even divided by two. For 2022 we're going to

switch to a weekly post. Maybe this change will make it easier to commit

to reading them; we certainly hope it will make it a bit easier to

produce them!

To love someone is to show to them their beauty, their worth, and their

importance.

~ Jean Varnier

For Christmas I bought my grandson, Christian, a Happy Journal. Together

we are taking it one page at a time. The first page was entitled, "All

About Me" and the journal-er was encouraged to circle the attributes

that applied to them. There are a bunch of options all sprinkled over

two pages: Funny. Creative. Sporty. Resilient. Loving. Kind. Go-getter.

You get the picture. He circled them ALL.

Occasionally we paused and defined a term. He asked what resilient meant. I provided a definition. He circled it saying, "Sometimes I try things that do not work; I keep

trying anyway." (I could hear his mother's voice as he repeated this

mantra to himself.) The page had NO troubling or negative attributes - just beautiful

character traits worthy of inspiration.

What I noticed is that Christian, at age five, shows no reluctance to

give himself credit for being a decent human being. For example, one of

the words was "excitable." When I defined and he circled, he also

commentated. "Meme, I get excitable when it is time to leave your

house!" SOME might call this excitability a temper tantrum or freak out.

But not Christian. Christian called it "excitable." I can only pray that

my grandchildren always get "excitable" when faced with the sad news of

having to leave their Meme/Pops.

Remember the story of the rich man who came to Jesus in Mark 10 and

asked him how he could inherit eternal life? We love to judge him,

right? When he sets out his credentials to Jesus saying, "Teacher, I

have kept all these [commandments] since my youth." I could not possibly

be the only human that reacts with an eye roll and a "Yeah, right"

response.

NO ONE believes this guy, do we? We can dress it up and say

that theologically this is impossible, we can quote, "All have sinned

and fallen short of the glory of God..." (Romans 3:23) and feel ok about

our skepticism, right? But the sad truth is, our child-like confidence

often gets worn down, leaving us a bit too cynical and skeptical for our

own good. We may dress up our judgment and call it healthy skepticism,

but let's face it - I/we are judging the guy.

But here's the thing, and it is a really important thing. Through the

eyes of Jesus, the scriptures are crystal clear and we MUST NOT skip

these few words also found in Mark 10 because they hold so much truth.

After the rich young man presents his resume, here is what is recorded

in verse 21: "Jesus, looking at him, loved him and said..." Again, most

of us jump to what Jesus says next. But we will never understand what

Jesus is saying (and apply it appropriately in our own lives) until we

first notice what Jesus sees.

Jesus looks at this young man and he loves him. All the translations say

pretty much the exact same thing. The Amplified Bible 'amplifies' it by

saying, "Jesus felt a love (high regard, compassion) for him." This is

what Jesus sees. This is how he sees you. And me. And even our neighbor

who never rakes his leaves.

Whether or not you are a resolution maker, my prayer for us all is that

we follow Jesus this year by doing two things: 1. Find our childhood

enthusiasm for our inherent worth and 2. Enjoy knowing that Jesus never

lost sight of us, even if we forgot our own value. What could you do to

practice remembering this for 2022? Tattoo? Wall art? Journal about it?

Set a reminder on your phone or organization app? Do whatever it takes

to remember how Jesus SEES so that we an all get better at practicing

what Jesus wants us to DO!

Closing Thoughts on Positive Faith

In closing out this series on positive faith- here’s what I might like you to takeaway, if I had my druthers. (If you haven’t read the series visit: northstarcommunity.com/devotionals to see what I’m on about).

Faith doesn’t have to be (and shouldn’t be) about:

-Living in shame

-Viewing yourself as bad, wrong, or evil

-Avoiding “bad” behaviors

-Blaming ourselves or others for suffering

Faith can be about:

-A God who comforts, loves, protects, and provides

-Building each other up

-Encouraging each other

-Looking for the good in each other

-Growing as a result of these

Faith and, and should be, a sense of connection to God, our neighbor, ourselves, and even creation itself. This connection provides a sense of peace about our place in the world- as well as a source of joy and hope. Faith encourages us to continue to look life directly in the face, even when it’s difficult, and to refuse to back down. Not because we’re strong or macho, but because we believe God will give us what we need to get from one moment to the next, and because we believe that surviving is the ultimate display of faith in action.

God has designed each of us. You have gifts, and strengths. You have something to offer. Too often faith communities have asked us to ignore, or even suppress, these things because of some wrong-headed notion that it might somehow take attention away from God.

I say no. The things that make you unique only point to beauty and depth of God’s creativity. So, please, if you can, embrace everything that makes you you. I kinda think that’s what God wants.

Affirm Everything and Everyone You Can

FYI- this is part of a series on how to live out our faith in a positive way. Click here to get caught up.

I facilitated a grief group early in 2021 and one of the things I joked with that group about is that I’m becoming an affirmation evangelist. I don’t think I’ve ever met a person that has said, “Yep, I feel completely and totally affirmed. I’m affirmed everywhere I go, at work, at home, my kids, my wife, everyone heaps affirmation on me.”

Most people struggle to feel affirmed. The reason for this is simple: We don’t offer much explicit affirmation.

And, at the same time, most people really appreciate affirmation. Affirmation is motivating- it helps you feel like your efforts are recognized, and this creates a sense that you belong.

I am, admittedly, terrible at affirming. I’m trying to do it more often- and I think I’m succeeding…but only because I used to affirm not at all. So, something is better than nothing…I guess.

Here are some tips for affirming:

-Make mental notes of things you appreciate about others

-State those mental notes out loud to people who do the things you appreciate. But, here’s the trick, don’t use any “value” language. Don’t say that what the other person did is “good,” or “better,” or even “great.” Simply state it as an observation.

When we use words like, “good,” “better,” or, “best,” we are unintentionally communicating that we’re the ones with the right to judge the qualities of another person- so it sounds condescending even though we don’t mean it to be. It’s sort of the same as saying, “I’m proud of you.” It’s a really nice sentiment- but it’s the same idea- it kind of also says, “I’m higher up than you.”

Here are some examples-

Instead of: You’re a good cook.

Try: Your food is delicious.

Instead of: You showed good perseverance.

Try: You are really diligent.

The trick is to look for qualities that another person displays and to simply notice them. By “qualities” I mean anything you notice and appreciate about another person. Such as: reliability, empathy, timeliness, attentiveness, helpfulness, and so on. Pick a trait that you see in another person and just say, “You are ______.”

You may think that’s too simple and won’t make much of an impact. I assure you- doing this regularly will make far more of an impact than trying to heap praise on a very occasional and irregular basis.