Trying to change our shortcomings
Perhaps you have been told you that you have “issues”. What are we supposed to do with that kind of feedback? Certainly there is a hope or expectation that we will change. But change is much trickier when we are trying to do it ourselves.
Maybe our “issues” are symptoms of something deeper. Maybe they are the by-product of having long held patterns and habits that stand between us and our best life. In recovery, we call these shortcomings or defects of character. Although there are many options for our list of character defects, here are a few suggestions to get you started thinking about your own shortcomings: anger, resentment, hate, lust, greed, sloth, jealousy, envy, procrastination, paranoia, suspicious-ness, pessimism, depression, unkindness, dishonesty, worrisome-ness, tenseness, irresponsibility, defensiveness, insecurity, lying, pride, oversensitivity, narcissism, indifference, violence, perfectionism, self-justification, rationalization, self-pity, self-centeredness, fear, anxiety, approval-seeking, impatience, gossip, laziness, rudeness, ingratitude, inconsistency, arrogance, phoniness, obsessing over the past and/or future, impulsivity, aimlessness, rigidity, judgmentalism, smugness, stubbornness, selfishness, self-indulgence, intolerance, unrealistic, unreasonableness, distorted expectations, control, domination, disagreeableness, whining and complaining, complacency, indiscretion, insincerity, evasiveness, despondency, over-compliance, panic, manipulation, isolation, withdrawal, domineering, disrespect of self.
You will notice that there are some emotions on this list. Feelings in and of themselves are NOT shortcomings, they are warning lights trying to get our attention. BUT if we over-use them, they can become shortcomings. Feelings are supposed to show up for tea, provide information that we are then supposed to address, and leave before dinner. Our rumination, our reliance on our feelings alone to make decisions - this is misusing them and that’s why they may show up on your list of limitations.
In the days ahead, I am going to suggest some things that I hope might help us wrestle with God’s perspective on our limitations - and his invitation to help us.
