The Gates of Hell

“The gates of hell are open night and day; Smooth the descent, and easy is the way But to retrace your steps, to Climb back to the upper air - There the struggle, there the Labor lies.”

Virgil, the Aeneid

I observe this tendency in myself and others who tell me their stories. We want to talk about our intentions.

I did not intend to forget.

I did not intend to hurt you.

I did not intend for you to find out.

I did not intend to sell your car for parts.

I did not intend to make you mad.

I did not intend to relapse.

All true but totally unhelpful. When we have been harmed, another’s intentions are not really the issue at hand. Does it sometimes mitigate how we feel? Maybe. But in recovery we learn to not let intentions serve as a proper excuse for doing harm to another.

How have you allowed this idea of “well intended” to sabotage efforts to resolve a wrongdoing?