Grace, Grace, and More Grace

I HATE receiving forgiveness, grace and mercy. It so much more satisfying to not have to face my own limitations OR figure out a way to cover them up - which is to say, find another way to put lipstick on a pig.

I think it is easier in these instances to give than to receive.

But here I was, in need of all three. Although the text helped relieve my initial shame attack, I was still stuck with this vague feeling of unease. I was tempted to make cookies or send yet another note of apology. Flowers maybe? I felt uncomfortable and I wanted quick relief.

What was needed in this moment was not a bribe. I needed to humbly accept the unconditional kindness given me the very instant I realized I had messed up.

Inevitably as we craft a list of people we have harmed, there will be moments of angst when we wish we could get rid of our uneasiness associated with shame, guilt and remorse. In other words, a good bribe. Maybe a quid pro quo. But that is not how grace works.

We connect with one another because of our flaws and failings, not in spite of them. This is the real gift of recovery. Eventually I learned a friend of mine, Linda Hancock, had jumped in and covered for me. As always, she was amazing. Once I knew the identity of my savior, I thanked her for her kindness and apologized for putting her in that position.

HER TEXT REPLY: “I once stood up 800 people...so no judgment here. I’m just sad I didn’t get to listen to you so let me know when you are speaking!”

What do you notice? I have awesome friends? Yes! What else? Acceptance. She was vulnerable and shared her own story of forgetting (connection). She was clear in her position (no judgment). She offered me words of encouragement (I wanted to hear you speak; when will you do this again?). We need more Linda’s! And….she makes me want to be a Linda too.

Who is your Linda? Who are you a Linda to?