Humanity is Beautiful!

For the eyes of the LORD range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him.

2 Chronicles 16:9 NIV

I absolutely cannot change my reactions to situations that trigger me. All my old survival instincts kick in and I am off to the races with my shortcomings leading the way. Decades into my recovery and I STILL find myself thinking stinking thoughts, having self-pity parties, and behaving in ways that do not match the person I want to be in this world. Does this mean that God has not removed my shortcomings? Does it mean that he has tried but I hold them so tightly in my hands that even he cannot pry them loose? I do not know.

But the re-occurrences remind me of my humanity, my fragility and my absolute powerlessness over my dependencies. I have noticed one difference. I am not as frustrated by my foibles as I once was because I can see the benefits of humility. I have the capacity for more patience with others as I have learned how to be more patient with myself.

I was in a meeting last night when one gal shamed another for daring to suggest that he might not be attending as many meetings because of her work schedule. Her sponsor, the shame giver said, “Well, my experience is that you will probably relapse because this certainly teaches me that you do not care very much about your recovery.” Ouch.

This young sponsee may not have the inside scoop to understand that this is coming from a place of humiliation, not wisdom. This sponsor is currently going through her own dark night of the soul and not able to quite use her tools of recovery at the moment.

I imagine how differently this reaction could have gone. What if the sponsor had said, “Whoohoo, you getting that job is so great. You are ready for it! How can I help with your schedule? Would you like to meet for lunch on weeks when you cannot make your regular meetings?”

Humility is a beautiful gift. It reminds us that we are only responsible for owning the truth about ourselves. We have no head space for judging others. This step is one that helps us do what we need to do so that humility finds a welcome home in us.