Sympathy

When we listen well enough that we understand someone and can let them know that we have not only heard them but we GET what they mean, we have practiced this skill called accurate empathy. (For more information, read a small but mighty book called “Listening Well” by William R. Miller. We have copies at NSC if you want to grab one when social distancing is no longer a THING.)

Empathy and sympathy are not the same beast. Sympathy is when we feel bad FOR someone, empathy is when we lean in and understand them. This in no way is meant to imply that we should not have any feelings (apathy) about others, empathy includes connecting with others and that is always a rich emotional experience.

But we have to be careful; it is not the same thing as identifying with another person. This is good news. We do not need to have a shared experience in order to understand someone else’s experience. In fact, two people can share an experience (loss of a spouse for example) and have very very different thoughts, feelings, and needs for support around that experience.

Here’s the thing: sympathy and identifying actually create distance, not closeness.

Empathy, that ability to GET EACH OTHER, creates a strong connection, and that’s what we all long for.

Have you ever sympathized without empathy? Over-identified because you think a shared experience should give you the inside scoop on understanding?

We can do differently and achieve better connectivity.